• Delight

    January 3, 2024

    Happy New Year! It is so hard to believe that 2024 is officially here. Where have the last four years gone?

    I have stopped creating resolutions in the new year. I’m learning to lean into the seasons that God has given us. A season where we pull inward and rest seems like a really terrible time to set huge, lofty goals. Perhaps if we set goals in the Spring, we would have much more success!

    I also haven’t picked a “word” for my year in quite some time. However, some time before Christmas, the Lord put the word delight in front of me. I knew instantly that it needed to be my focus, but not one that I wanted until January 1 for. I needed to start immediately.

    You see, I have been holding onto a lot of frustration and bitterness. I’ve been so discontent. Almost 7 years ago, when the door to ministry was slammed shut in our face, we moved back to Illinois because we didn’t have much other choice. No job opportunities were opening up where we lived in Oklahoma, and our finances wouldn’t allow us to stay and pay bills indefinitely with no income. So, back “home” with our tails between our legs we came. We thought it would be temporary, and here we still are. I do not like Illinois and never wanted to live in this state again once I got out after high school. There was also a lot of hurt over the lies and deception that had taken place. I’ve still been hanging on to a lot of that anger. Pair that with the people that have been judgmental and assuming that WE walked away from ministry and that we aren’t actively living what the Lord’s will for our lives is… it’s a recipe for bitterness.

    “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 34:7

    My delight needs to come from the LORD. My delight does not com from what other people think of me. It doesn’t come from living in the perfect place. It won’t come from family or friends. It needs to come from HIM and him alone.

    This will be the year that my eyes stay focused on Him. He will guide our path, as He always has. God wants my good. He is for me and loves me beyond what my mind can comprehend. I can rest in that knowledge and know that if we are here for the rest of our lives, it is because He willed it.

    I can see the blessings of what has transpired over the last 10 or so years. Time allows you the gift of hindsight. I can see how much the Lord has given us. Imagine how much more would have come from it if I had let go of the weight of the chains I’ve hung on to. How much more would come from your life if you let them go?

    Seek the Lord this year. I pray His blessings over your life in 2024.
    ‘“The Lord bless you
        and keep you;
    the Lord make his face shine on you
        and be gracious to you;
     the Lord turn his face toward you
        and give you peace.”’
    Numbers 6:24-26

    Read More

  • A Quiet Life

    October 1, 2020

    Oh, autumn. I delight in this season. The weather turns cool. We get to pull out our cozy socks and sweaters. The leaves change colors and the trees let go. October is my favorite month.

    Is anyone else just feeling worn? This year has brought out the ugliest sides of people. It has caused a feeling of hopelessness.

    There is just so. much. noise. I have deleted facebook from my phone. I keep my phone charging far away from where I am. I’m just tired of it all.

    People continue to scream their hate and opinions as though that is going to change someone’s mind. Has your mind ever been changed by a keyboard warrior? I sincerely doubt it.

    “But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; and indeed you do so toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more; that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing.” 1 Thess 4: 9-12

    I want to live a gentle and quiet life. I want to share the love of Jesus with others. I want to love people more than I love my opinions. I am so thankful that this world is not my home. It’s become an ugly place. What happened to loving others as Jesus did. We see time and time again in the Bible where he found a sinner and loved them right where they were. THAT transformed their lives in powerful ways.

    We are no longer listening to hear and understand. We listen to respond. We don’t listen because we care. Are we even listening in any capacity anymore?

    I’m not even sure where I am going with these words. I guess I’m just sharing where my heart is today… really, where it has been camped for quite some time. I’m going to evaluate myself. Am I being loving enough and gentle enough? When people interact with me, do they see Jesus? Am I different?

    Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

    Read More

  • Creating Home

    January 14, 2020
    butter keeper

    Some of you many not know that I was an interior design major at one point in college. I changed my major because I knew that we would be moving wherever God called us in ministry– and a career in interior design wouldn’t be sustainable in my mind. Honestly, my biggest regret is switching majors and not sticking with something that I loved. I see so many people who have successful design businesses that work from home.

    I grew up watching Trading Spaces with my mom. HGTV was my favorite channel to watch. It still would be my favorite if we had cable. I LOVE Joanna Gaines and what she is doing. Even though House Hunters was absurd, I still loved to see the inside of those homes. All of that to say, I still really love interior design.

    If you are reading our book club book for January, then you know she is talking all about home– the atmosphere that is created by us. I don’t want to go into the book now. I’m saving that for the end of the month. But, it has just reaffirmed how much and why I love home design.

    I have said for years that I am responsible for creating “home” for my children. We have moved a lot, and lived in many dwellings (8) in our eleven years of marriage. We take the “home” atmosphere with us wherever we go. I create it with cozy pillows and throws, candles, conversation, music, books, art, etc.

    It doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. It just has to be you. It has to be your family. It doesn’t need to be cookie cutter or fit into the most popular box. If fills you and your family with joy– embrace your style.

    For my family, on our small budget, everything needs to serve a purpose. In the kitchen, I love having our wooden cutting boards on display. They get used every day, and are easily accessible. The many throws in our home come to good use since the house is a bit drafty. We have family photos on display and thrift store artwork that we love. I am not a minimalist by any stretch of the imagination, but I do love simplicity and tidiness.

    Home is where our families will learn the most about Jesus. Inside of these walls should be a safe haven for our family when the world gets too hard. Prayer and scripture should fill our home. When someone walks through our front door, I want them to feel that love resides here. That is why I love design and am passionate about creating a cozy and inviting home. I want home to be the place my daughters long for when life gets hard. I want them to know that they are safe and unconditionally loved here.

    Read More

  • Rediscovering ME

    January 3, 2020

    Happy Friday, friends! Is anyone else extremely lost after the holidays? I can’t figure out what day it is or what I am supposed to be doing. I even worked several days, but still felt like I had forgotten how to do my job every time.

    Moving on– I wanted to share something that has been on my heart for quite some time.

    Do you ever feel like you have lost yourself? I have. I have felt it for years. In 2009, Scott and I started our lives in full-time ministry. Slowly, I felt myself trying to fit myself into a box of what others expected of me. The way a ministry wife is supposed to walk, talk, dress, etc.

    I spent years trying to fit into the mold of what I THOUGHT I was supposed to be. I tried so hard to live up to others’ expectations of me. It was exhausting, and honestly why I feel like I have lost myself.

    I am not obligated to live up to others’ expectations. Neither are you. I am obligated to live a life that fully honors Christ. I have an audience of one that I am living for– and no one else. I’m learning to strip away the weight of expectations from others, and learning to embrace the woman that God created ME to be.

    I know that this does not just happen to ministry wives. Some women lose themselves in motherhood. This does not mean that “just mom” is an insult. I loved being a stay-at-home mother and would happily go back to it if I were able to. I mean that I lost myself to being a mom. I became so focused on meeting the girls’ needs and taking care of everything for them that I forgot to take care of me. I would skip meals, not take vitamins, and eat so much junk. I think this happens to most moms.

    It can also happen with family expectations. I have seen families that don’t see growth or change in people. If you were a certain way as a child, they still treat you that way as an adult. If you do anything different, you are treated as an outcast or made to feel like you have betrayed the family. I have seen it happen so often.

    Through all of this, I am learning to laugh more and have fun. I am remembering who ASHLEY is. Just Ashley, child of God. Not Ashley– mother. Not Ashley– ministry wife. Just me. I’m taking better care of myself. I am digging in deeper to God’s word– reading from my Bible and doing a devotion each day. I have learned that it is ok to be different and break the mold. Part of this re-discovery comes from stepping out of ministry and feeling so lost. Another part comes with age.

    It’s beautiful to realize who you are again. It’s beautiful to know that when we are back in full-time ministry, I will know exactly who I am– exactly whose I am.

    Read More

  • Giving

    November 14, 2019
    step stool || apron

    If you don’t already know, we love baking bread. I want to send you back to this recipe, which is our favorite sweet bread. The recipe makes two loaves, which makes it perfect for gifting.

    I made this bread once and took a loaf to one of my coworkers– I just removed the chocolate chips from the recipe. Her mom is really limited on what she can eat, and a nursing home is not taking care of her the way they are supposed to. When I gave it to her, it was as though I gave her a bar of solid gold.

    I don’t tell you this to toot my own horn AT ALL. I tell you this because we often want to do something for others, but feel the financial strain. Especially at this time of year. Baking a simple loaf of bread is such a gift to people. If you aren’t great with bread, bake some cookies. If you are making a meal for your family, make an extra helping for your neighbor.

    I feel as though we overcomplicate giving. We feel that if we aren’t able to give in a big and extravagant way, we shouldn’t give at all. That is FALSE. Usually, the small gifts mean the most to people. Your tiny drop in the bucket and yours and yours and yours combined with mine eventually overflow. A little kindness goes a long way.

    This has been a wonderful lesson for my daughters. They love to help me bake (and eat) this bread, but they always know that a loaf is going to go to someone else. They usually want to give it to the same person, and she is just as thankful as the first time. It has been such a simple and fun way to teach them generosity– while also teaching them the skill of baking bread. Win-win!

    They are also learning the skill of braiding. 😉 So cute.

    What small gift can you give to help spread the kindness? Who can you hold a door open for? Can you tell a mother or father that they are doing a great job? Just look around and you will see a need that you can easily meet.

    Read More

  • Acid or Grace?

    September 30, 2019
    image source

    Does this one hurt you as much as it does me?

    I am filled TO. THE. BRIM. I’m overwhelmed. Overscheduled. Overtired. I have three kids who bump into me all day long. What is pouring out?

    I remember Lysa Terkeurst talking about what happens when people bump into your happy. Like, you are walking along and everything is really great. Then, something happens that messes it up. It could be big or small. What is going to come out of you?

    I know people who spew acid on EVERYONE around them when something happens. It doesn’t matter how big or small. And, don’t you dare try to share your heart with them because things will always be worse in their life than yours. You can smell how toxic they are– even if they aren’t currently angry and unhappy. These people are exhausting, and quite honestly I try to avoid them. A toxic attitude is so contagious.

    I want to be full of grace. When it comes to my family, I want grace to spill over. I want them to know that it’s ok to make mistakes. I want them to know that I will always love them and they can come to me with anything. But, if I have acid pouring over, they are going to be afraid of mistakes. They won’t come to me when someone has hurt them. They will hide things from me.

    “…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34

    What is your heart full of?

    This is convicting. My temper is something that I have worked really hard on controlling. I have been much better about pouring grace over my children and my husband– because I remind myself often of the grace that God has shown to me. I am so undeserving of His grace and kindness. Yet, He continually shows it to me. Over and over again he loves me in spite of me. The best way we can share Christ with others is to fill ourselves with His love and His word.

    So, ask yourself this question. “What do people feel: acid or grace?”

    Read More

  • I Surrender

    August 8, 2019
    The Complicated Heart

    Do you ever have those times when you feel like you just CAN’T CATCH A BREAK? We have been in a season of no breaks for so long. Our battery suddenly decided to go bad and die yesterday. My dad was so helpful and got it jump started a few times for me. We really didn’t think the battery was dead because all of the lights and electrical stuff was working.

    Scott ended up taking it somewhere when I went to work to find out what was wrong. It turned out to be the battery and we had to get that replaced. More money sunk into the van. I know batteries aren’t expensive in the grand scheme of things, but that ends up being two tanks of gas that we could have bought instead… a week or more of groceries.

    I’m so frustrated and overwhelmed. I make to do lists every day and I don’t know where to start because there are so many spinning plates.

    I’m waving my white flag. I surrender. When I pray, all I can do is beg God to help. He knows my heart. He is sorting out what I can’t seem to say.

    Last night, when Scott and I were reading Marriage After God, we got to a chapter about finances. This couple took time away from their full-time ministry to get out of debt; knowing that there is nothing God-honoring about being a slave to debt. It was actually really comforting and reaffirmed that we are in exactly the right place where God wants us. It doesn’t fully make sense. It doesn’t make sense that we are working really hard and more things keep falling apart causing more problems. I don’t get it, and I’m frustrated. But, I know that God is in control.

    I’m sure to others, it may look like we have thrown our hands up and given up on ministry. NOT SO. If God permanently called us away from full-time ministry, we would absolutely obey. However, that is not the case. We have surrendered our lives to His leading.

    Read More

  • Good Neighbors

    July 26, 2019

    We have been listening to the Little House series on audiobook whenever we are in the car. We have all been LOVING the stories. This quote from On the Banks of Plum Creek sunk into my heart and hasn’t left.

    “There’s nothing in the world so good as good neighbors.”
    Laura Ingalls Wilder

    We met the man who will be our “neighbor” a few days ago. He is the one that currently farms the land and runs the operation. He was so incredibly kind and welcoming to us. Our closest real neighbors are a decent distance away. That’s farm living. But, I believe that a neighbor can be anyone that you interact with on a regular basis.

    I know I sound like a broken record, but we really cannot get over the kindness of all of these people. God put them in our path and has used them to heal our hurting hearts. We have been shown first hand how much a good neighbor can make an impact.

    I want to also be that good neighbor. I remember in college, one of our neighbors would come by our apartment to borrow a cup of sugar or flour. It was so fun! In Oklahoma, we had a neighbor that would come by to help Scott if he saw him working outside. He would also come by and ask Scott for his help if he needed it. It felt good to be neighbors like that. In Michigan, we lived next door to our pastor but they were the same way. We were always lending each other a hand.

    What happened to those days? Are we just too busy to notice when people could use a hand? Are we so buried in our own problems that we don’t want to take the time?

    Lord, help me to be a good neighbor to everyone around me.

    Read More

  • Imperfect Hospitality

    June 4, 2019

    I’ve been doing the devotional plans in the back of my (In)Courage Bible. Currently, I am working through the plan titled “Imperfect Hospitality”. Actually, I have a few days left. It has been really beautiful to see the examples of hospitality shown throughout the Bible.

    “Paul stayed two whole years in his own rented house. And he welcomed all who visited him, proclaiming the kingdom of God and teaching about the Lord Jesus Christ with all boldness and without hindrance.” Acts 28:30-31 CSB

    I keep thinking about how I can’t wait to move into our farmhouse and open the doors to our friends and family. There will be so much space–both inside and outside. But, really, I can open the doors no matter where I am.

    I don’t have to have large rooms to open the doors and make people feel at home. I just have to open the door.

    I don’t have to have an immaculately designed home with perfect decor in order to welcome people in. I just have to welcome them unapologetically.

    Christina Wells said “Why do we say our identity is in Christ and we are here to love others, yet we live like our identity is in appearances and we are here to impress others?”

    Ouch.

    In our day of social media and perfectly curated pictures, we certainly are sending a different message. It’s not wrong to want our home to look a certain way, but if we wait for perfection to invite others in, we are really missing a lot of opportunity. How many times do we say “ignore the….” when someone comes into our home? Just open the door!

    I love having family and friends over. I am a homebody at heart, but I do long for community. We used to invite our teens over for spaghetti when we lived near Detroit. Our next home was probably less than 1000 square feet, but I still hosted our families at Easter and Thanksgiving whenever possible. We were cramped, but we were together. I’ve had birthday parties and holiday celebrations in our home for years, and I always feel so filled up after. I hope that those that have walked through the door leave feeling better than they came.

    Scott and I both struggle every day with no longer being in full-time ministry. While it is TEMPORARY, it is still difficult. God does open doors for us to minister to others. He gets those opportunities at work, and so do I. We get opportunities when friends reach out to us and we can pray with them. Little pieces of hospitality, even outside of the home, are an incredible way of ministering to others.

    We don’t have to cook an extravagant meal to invite people in. We just have to offer an ear, an encouraging word, a prayer.. even a cold glass of water.

    Read More

  • Brave

    January 16, 2019

    Last year, I bought a devotional called 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs. I’d pick it up here and there, but honestly never dove in. At the end of last year, Annie challenged all of us to start it on January 1st. Start the year off bravely!

    I have really enjoyed consistently doing it. She obviously talks about bravery every day. I love the challenge. I don’t think of myself as a brave person. In fact, I often think of myself as a chicken– honestly, most people probably do.

    One day, the challenge was to take what God has put in you, and do it. Do the thing that you are passionate about and do it without fear. I thought, I’m not brave. I’ll never do that.

    But, then, I thought about it. After eight years of being a stay-at-home mom, I got a part time job at the library. I had to learn something new. Honestly, it was a LOT of new things to learn. So much more than I expected. Just filling out an application and sending my resume took a huge amount of bravery. Saying YES took a lot of bravery.

    I took the brave and crazy step to seek out the farm house. I could have tucked away what this woman told me, and never pursued it. But, I chased a dream, and it may pay off.

    Then, there is this blog. This blog takes bravery. To put down my thoughts and share them with the world takes a lot of courage. I love writing. God has put this desire and longing in my heart, and I decided to really run with it this year. This website is MINE. It was terrifying to take the step to buy a domain. Want to know a secret? My husband and ONE other person know that this blog exists. I keep hiding it, afraid to share that I took a HUGE plunge.

    There are so many things that I have done that took bravery. I am not brave on my own. Jesus is the source of any courage that I have. My steps may be a little shaky, but I am taking them.

    What do you need to do? What is the step towards bravery that you need to take? I really encourage you to pick up this book and do the 100 days with us. It’s not too late to catch up!

    Read More