April 4th has been a difficult day to get through for the past few years. I was due with a third child on April 4th, 2013. On September 18, 2012, that pregnancy ended in a lot of heartache. Each year, I feel a weight on my shoulders on that day. I am sad for all of the dreams that never came to pass. I will never see that child grow, learn, get married, have children, etc. That brings a certain amount of pain.
However, I have always held tight to the hope that Christ offers. I will see that child one day in heaven. What a glorious reunion it will be!!
Yesterday, Chloe found a yellow stuffed dog. She asked me whose puppy it was. I told her that she has a brother or sister in heaven, and I had bought that dog for them.
Chloe has been asking a lot of questions about heaven since around October of last year. Last night was no different. She started asking a lot of questions; questions about heaven and Jesus and Him dying on the cross. We had a long conversation about it all. She understands. She knows that she is a sinner (we all are). She knows that Jesus died on the cross so that she could go to Heaven one day (He died for us all and wants to offer that gift to all of us). She understands it all. She was super distracted by her little sisters and what they were doing. So, I prayed for her.
Scott came home from a staff meeting and I told him what Chloe and I had been talking about. I took Addi and Harper into Harper’s bedroom and read several books to them while Scott and Chloe talked; especially since we were nearing bed time and those two needed to calm down! haha!
After a little while, Chloe came into the room and listened to the story I was reading. When I finished, she climbed into my lap and hugged me. She told me, “I have Jesus in my heart.”
I have prayed that Chloe would accept Christ since I found out that I was pregnant. I pray that for all of my children. My nieces and nephews. My friends’ children. Chloe has had such an understanding mind, and has asked questions that blow me away so often. I have never once wanted to pressure her into praying a prayer. After all, the prayer does not save you. God knows your heart. He knows it all. He knows my baby girl more than I ever could.
While yesterday started off on a rotten foot, and I struggled all throughout that day for many reasons, I could not have asked for a better ending! Take that, Monday!
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Unwind
I am currently lounging on my bed while my husband has our girls helping clean up. It is been a day, to say the least. I obviously am writing ahead.
We took it easy this morning and got a slow start. Chloe and I did school while Harper wandered around the house playing and entertaining herself. Addison did her usual “I want to do school work. Just kidding, I’m done.” over and over again.
Lunch was a flop. Naptime was a train wreck. The girls fought and yelled so much that they woke Harper up. Remember, Harper can barely hear.. Dinner time was another flop. I told Scott “I need some time away from them.”
Sometimes, it is important to recognize that we need a break. There’s nothing wrong with needing a break. I figured that I would take some time for my mind to unwind. What do you do to unwind?
I like reading my Bible; especially when the day has been a huge disaster. I need to re-focus on what I am doing; why I LOVE being a mother. Because, I really do, even on the hard days.
Lately though, I feel like my Bible study time has fallen flat. Almost as though it has become just one more thing to check off my list. That is not good. I started searching for a new Bible study that would help me along. I saw on Mandy’s blog that she was reading Pressing Pause. I went ahead and pre-ordered it.
It just arrived, and I always have to laugh at God’s timing. He knows just what we need, and when we are going to need it!
The book is beautiful, and I really cannot wait to dig deeper into it. I love journaling devotionals. If I just read, I don’t have the tendency to just close the book when I am done and move on to the next thought. I love having the space to write my thoughts about what I just read. I try to keep a notebook with my Bible so that I can write down some thoughts about what I have read for the day.
Since moving, I have completely slacked on that. Everything got packed and I just got lazy. More excuses.
I encourage you to join me. Whether you purchase Pressing Pause for yourself, or just start journaling during your regular Bible study time, make sure that you don’t just let your Bible be another thing to check off the list. Read and experience what God has for you! Spending time with Jesus is the best way to unwind. -
Whirlwind
Wow. I am back. What a whirlwind!!!
We left on Wednesday morning and traveled all day. Of course, it snowed in Michigan and slowed us down a lot. 9ish hours in the car later and we were eating a late dinner with my mom and dad. We left the next morning and spent another 9 or so hours in the car, checked into our hotel, and then had dinner with the pastor and his family.
Because we got there on a Thursday, we had a couple of days to get to know the pastor and his family and also look around the city and see what it was all about. For the record, the pastor and his family are awesome. I just wouldn’t want someone writing and critiquing me. haha! Nothing bad to say, lots of good to say. It just would be weird to write all about them.
The city was so beautiful. It is winter (duh) so most plant life is dead, so I cannot even imagine how beautiful it would be to see in the spring/summer/fall. We were able to do one of the many service projects that the church is involved in. We packed boxes with food for the elderly. This facility also will pack up snacks for kids that may not get any food over the weekend. The school will give them a grocery bag to take home with them on a Friday. I could have some of the details wrong as we got a lot of information in a short time. Either way, what they are doing is AWESOME!!
We also got to go visit this awesome teen ministry in the city that the church helps support. They pick kids up from school, do a chapel service, tutoring, and then it’s a whole skate park and arcade. It’s a safe place for them to be after school until their parents pick them up. I was blown away. Everything is free except the snack bar, and even that is something that they can earn money for by participating in tutoring. I believe that I was told that most of the kids were not passing the state requirements for testing, and now all that attend are. It’s just incredible.
Sunday morning we were able to be in services. It truly was just a breath of fresh air. The people were so friendly and kind. The music was done so well. You could tell that people were truly worshiping and not just singing because they had to. The teenagers are so sold out for Jesus. It’s just awesome.. I really don’t even know what to say. Again, I don’t want to write about it too much because it would be weird. The church is awesome. The people are awesome.
We left on Monday morning and got to Scott’s parents’ house late. All adults were ready for bed but the girls were wired. Let’s just say they didn’t even get into bed until midnight. They were so excited. Chloe got to share a bedroom with her mimi and Addi got to share a room with papa and the dog, Sierra. Addi LOVES Sierra and was MORE than happy to snuggle her all night. haha! We got up early and hit the road after some breakfast. We spent the whole day in the car AGAIN. We hit snow (again) in Michigan, and I saw a couple of cars in the ditch. But, we made it safely.
The only incident we had was on our way down. We kept hearing a sound like a helicopter. We pulled off several times and checked the tires, etc. Turns out, it was our bumper. It got messed up right after we bought the van and we couldn’t afford to fix it. It’s slowly been deteriorating, and it was flapping in the wind. It’s tied on now, no worries. ha!!!
Now, we are back and have just 11 days until our last Sunday with our FBT family. I just sat this morning feeling completely overwhelmed and not knowing what to do first. I eventually shook it off and started scrubbing the inside of our fridge and packing some boxes. We have so much to do, and not much time to do it.
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Ministry Monday
Happy Monday, friends! I will be away from blogging for the rest of the week.
We have this tremendous opportunity to travel to Oklahoma and candidate for a position at a church in a pretty cool “city”. There is a lot of packing to do as we prepare. This trip is really exciting, but will also take about a week away from our 3 weeks left here. I have to pack for our trip, and pack for the move simultaneously. Whew.
Please be in prayer for us. We want to be the right fit for this church. If we aren’t, then we want God to make it very clear to us and them. A lot of people expect us to just jump on the first position offered just for the sake avoiding being job-less and income-less. That is not at all what we are going to do. We will prayerfully consider it. Anything that God doesn’t want from us, we will not do.
A lot of people wonder how this whole process works for us, so I thought that I would share a little bit about when we first started in ministry 7 years ago in June.
When Scott was preparing for graduation from Bible college in 2009, we were praying about what God wanted us to do. I still had some time left in college, but we were so ready to dive into ministry. We prayed, and felt God saying “GO!” I looked into finishing my school through Liberty University Online and became really excited about that. This gave us the freedom to go WHEREVER we felt God calling us without fear of my degree getting in the way.
Scott put together his resume and started looking at churches that were hiring. We have a really great home pastor who gave an awesome recommendation and started to put Scott’s name out there; letting people know that he was looking to become a youth pastor. We had three churches that invited us to come and candidate for their positions over the course of a month and a half. What that means is we traveled to them, Scott taught Sunday school, and we gave our testimony of coming to know Christ and being called into ministry. We met many members of these churches and ate a lot of good food. haha! Two of the churches had special activities with the teens over the weekend so that we could get to know them on a less formal level. It is a lot of fun. I am an introvert, so some of it is really intimidating, but it is fun getting to meet so many new people.
All three of these churches ended up offering the position to Scott. It just so happened that they all offered at the same time. To be honest, it was incredibly overwhelming. We did not feel like any of those open doors were wrong. So, once again, we prayed a lot. We felt like one church was the best fit for us. It paid the least amount, was in the coldest state, and involved the most insane schedule… just so that no one thinks that we picked what was going to make the most money and be the easiest. Quite frankly, it was the HARDEST.. But, we both learned a LOT in our time there.
The process is basically the same each time. When we start feeling God tugging on our hearts as though it’s time to move on, we pray for opened/closed doors and direction. God opens and closes them in His time. We obey. -
For the Future Pastor's Wife
I need to preface this post by saying a few things. I am in no way complaining about the calling that God has placed on my family’s hearts. Serving in this way is a huge honor, and that is not lost on me. I just felt incredibly unprepared for what was coming for ME, as the wife.
These are some of the things that I wish I had known, or advice that I would have found useful BEFORE entering ministry. Another youth pastor wife and I were talking about how they need to teach a class on this in Bible College.
1. You will have to share your husband. Ministry takes your husband away from you. A lot. He will receive phone calls at all hours. Some of them will require him to go visit someone in the hospital. Some will just require a little bit of his time and ear. If he is in youth ministry and you don’t live near family, he will be gone for camps, all-nighters, etc. while you hold down the fort at home. If you live on church property, people will come to your door whenever they please. Try to set some boundaries early on to avoid this. Emergencies will come up though, and you have to accept that.
2. Guard your family. MANY people expect ministry to come before family. THAT IS NOT THE CASE. Your personal relationship with God comes first. Family is second. Ministry is third. You both have to protect that. If you and your husband don’t stand up for your family, no one else will.I have many ministry kid friends who ran away from the church once they were old enough to. They resented it and it took a long time for them to return. I asked them what caused those feelings in their hearts. EVERY. SINGLE ONE. said that it was because their father loved the church more than their family. It always came first. I refuse to let my children’s hearts be broken
3. Your children are your ministry. I struggled a lot right after having my first child. I had a new baby, and did not live near family. I missed a lot of our youth outings, and I struggled with feeling guilty. Every baby we have had was born with a heart and a soul. They need nurtured and led to Jesus. God gave these children to us to care for and teach about Jesus. They are my ministry.
4. People say stupid things. Shocking, right? Because of the position your family is in, the congregation will feel like they have the right to tear you apart. I have been told that I needed to stop having children. When Harper’s fingertip was cut off, I was told “That’s what you get for having a million kids.” I have people who will ask me what I think of my husband’s sermon, as if I would ever speak ill of him to anyone. If you don’t let these stupid things roll off your back, it will fester in your soul and make you bitter. Channel Elsa. Let it go.
5. You will be known as “Pastor ‘so-and-so’s wife”. I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked “what is your name again?” or introduced as “Scott’s wife”. I always respond with “Hi, I’m Ashley.” Maybe one day people will remember that I have an identity of my own. But, I am proud of the man that I married, so I can deal with it. Just, know that it is inevitable.
6. Your children will be held to a higher standard. Never mind that your children are still HUMAN. They will be expected to act like perfect little angels who do not have emotions of their own. If they have a bad day, expect to hear it from every Sunday school teacher that works with them. Just prepare for it.
7. You have the ability to make or break your husband’s ministry. Ministry is hard. It is not easy to always have a sunshine and rainbows attitude. But, if you have a toxic ‘tude all of the time, you will tear down his ministry brick by brick. If your attitude is really bad, it can be as damaging as a wrecking ball. Be careful. Always be in prayer for your own attitude. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.
8. Your life will become a fishbowl. People will be watching your every move. Yes, some of them are watching to see you mess up, because some people are just cruel. But, some of them are looking for an example. As a teenager, I always observed our Pastor’s wife. She was gracious, gentle, and kind. I wanted so much to be like her, because I could see that she was being like Christ. She was a bell-sheep following the shepherd as closely as she could. You will be an example to other women. Your marriage will be an example for other couples. Your family life.. you see where I am going.
9. Always support your Pastor. Your husband needs your support. This goes along with #7. You have to support him. This goes for ALL wives. You are your husband’s biggest cheerleader. If he doesn’t feel like he has your support, he will feel like no one is behind him. Support him. Love him. Pray for him.
10. Prayer and The Word are your greatest weapons. Satan is wanting to DESTROY your family. He will do whatever he can to tear you apart. You HAVE to be in prayer for your ministry, your marriage, your children, yourself, etc. You cannot combat him in your own strength. Attacks will come from every direction. The more you are on your knees and in the word, the more unsuccessful his attacks will be. “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” Psalm 119:11
I am curious, fellow ministry wives, what else would you add to this list? Anything that you would take away?