After I wrote yesterdays dramatic post, in complete desperation to just get things off of my chest and not explode, I got my children up from their naps.. or rest time if you are Chloe. I had to wake Addi up. When I walked in her room I saw that she had pulled the curtain into her crib, torn up her blinds, and somehow reached the baby monitor and had unplugged it and pulled it into her crib. Houdini. Anyway, I realized that I needed to rearrange her room. The cords for the blinds are where she could never reach them from her crib, before anyone gets their knickers in a knot over her crib near blinds. Anyway, I had to move her bookshelf, which involves removing ALLLLL of the books and putting them back. I sat in her room, placing books on the shelf, sobbing. I finally reached a complete breaking point last night. My husband, seeing that I was struggling, cooked dinner while I cleaned in the room. I ate dinner with my family, and skyped with my parents.
After the girls were put to bed, I logged onto facebook where a friend had posted this article. Learning to Live With the Ache Talk about good timing. Now, I do not know if we are done having children after this baby arrives. That is up to God and we will prayerfully approach the subject. I have always wanted four kids. But, I am not naïve and know that GOD’S plans are often very different from MINE. I already have four kids; two girls, one baby in heaven, and one in utero. These days are LONG, and the years are SO SHORT. These years are a struggle for every parent who has ever been in this stage, and for every parent who will be in this stage. But, one day I will be sitting in my clean, quiet house, and I will long for the constant giggles that come from my LITTLE girls. I will long for the piles of laundry and dishes to wash. I will long for these long, hard days, because they are good. Even though every day brings a new struggle, every day also brings tremendous blessings.
I have contemplated deleting the last post, because I don’t like to admit that I ever feel that way. However, I think it is also important for anyone who happens to read it to know that life is not always going to be perfect. Some days you are going to fall apart in quiet sobs. Some days you will feel like you can’t take anymore. But, YOU CAN. To every mama: you ARE doing a great job. Start each day in prayer.. seek God’s will.. beg him for the strength to get through the hard days. We will miss them, and one day we will have that ache that won’t go away. Enjoy every stage.. they are all full of huge blessings!!
