Peace

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. With every pregnancy, I would get nervous before each appointment. Scott and I both were the same way. We would hold our breath and hold each others hand until we heard the baby’s heart beating away. Each time it was perfect and beautiful, but the fear of losing a baby was always the biggest fear for both of us.

With this pregnancy, the fear is a million times worse. My last pregnancy ended in sadness. I know what it feels like to be told the bad news. My children are all the Lord’s and He can call them home at any time. I am very thankful that that baby never had to know the pain that this world brings. But, my mother’s heart still aches to know who that child would have been. So, with this current pregnancy, the fear is very real.

Scott is unable to be at the appointments with me. I just sit in the cold office waiting for my doctor to come in. My heart pounds as the doctor asks me the usual questions. Then, it’s the big moment of “truth”. It feels like an eternity while they look for the heartbeat. It is so hard at this stage of pregnancy because you don’t feel constant movements. There isn’t really much reassurance that things are OK until you are at the office. As I was typing this, I felt it. I felt my baby move and reassure me, and tears are now streaming down my face.. Thank you, Lord.

My purpose in typing this was to ask for you to please pray for me tomorrow. The nerves are still going to be there. Things can change in an instant. No matter what happens, God is always good. God is in control. I want so badly to hold this baby and kiss those tiny little cheeks. I want to know this baby. But, if God choses to call him or her home before I get that chance, then He is STILL GOOD.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7