I had my first OB visit yesterday since getting out of the hospital. It was at my new high-risk clinic. Everything is new. I found out that I have to go twice a week until I deliver for Non-Stress Tests to monitor the baby. Every Monday and Thursday I will be hooked up to monitors and get to listen to the swish swish of her little heart beating (or the sound of her hiccups!). I will be seeing the OB every Wednesday until July when their schedules will change. Either way, it is once a week from here on out. I also will be seeing my neurologist in two weeks. I am going to be set up with a cardiologist to look into the hole in my heart further. I also have to go to Maternal Fetal Medicine just to check everything out and make sure that there is nothing being missed.
That said, I am so grateful for the man I have beside me for this ride. Scott has been such a source of strength and comfort through this all. He has to drive me everywhere now.. If you can’t do math that is at least 3, a lot of weeks 4, appointments EVERY SINGLE WEEK. He has a job. He works.. Thankfully, he is a youth pastor and works under a great man who is very flexible, but he still has to get his work done. I have broken down into tears countless times already. I don’t know how he isn’t losing his mind putting up with me.
I had to do a “24 hour urine”.. which just is really glamorous.. while in the hospital. Apparently my protein level was elevated, so I am repeating that all day today. Tomorrow I get to go for a blood draw and to turn in my really pretty jugs of.. well, urine.. They gave me cups to stick in my purse in case I have to go anywhere today and need to use the restroom. Uh… I think they need a super sized cup for a pregnant woman who is forcing herself to drink 10 glasses of water/tea a day.. No more dehydration for me!! I learned my lesson.
it is still scary to not know what caused the seizure. I know that God is in control. He wasn’t surprised by me collapsing and squashing poor Addison. None of this is a surprise to Him, so I am TRYING to rest in that. I fear it happening again with no one around. I am planning to teach Chloe how to dial Scott on my cell phone in case if it happens again. Both girls know that I “passded” out, so they will know what I am talking about. I would rather teach them to dial Scott than to dial 9-1-1 in case if I were to fall asleep (this medicine.. it’s killer) or something. I don’t want them to panic Scott, but I have to do something to make sure that they are safe, and the baby is safe. I don’t care at all about me other than that I am housing and supposed to be protecting my unborn child. The girls have handled it all very well, and I am so grateful that they have not been scarred for life by all of this.
This is very personal, but I really would like the extra prayers for us. Because of the severity of all of this, we are really praying about whether or not we need have our three babies on earth, and no more. I have never EVER wanted to make a permanent decision at my age, because I am still so young and my passion for motherhood is intense. I always have wanted a larger family. We have always said we want four kids. Now, I do have four kids, because I have a sweet baby in heaven, but I have wanted four here on earth with me. I am aware that any other pregnancy will be considered high risk as well. Each pregnancy has been more and more difficult on me, and this one obviously has been the hardest. Please pray that Scott and I can have wisdom and make the decision that God wants for us. I don’t want to make it out of fear, but I have to be realistic. This situation could be so much worse, but it is bad. I can’t pretend that it is really “not that bad”, because it is bad. The baby was safe this time, but if it happens again, she could be hurt. If I end up having pre-eclampsia or eclampsia, I will have a baby much earlier than expected. She will have a long journey ahead of her. Thankfully we are at the point where she wouldn’t require a ton of extra medical attention, but really any NICU stay is a scary one.
Please just keep praying for all of this. Pray that I can have patience with it all as I am feeling very frustrated and useless. No one will let me do anything now, and it is frustrating to me. Pray that Scott continues to have patience with me, as I feel like a crazy pregnant woman crying all of the time. Pray that our parents can all have peace, as they are all worried about all of this. Pray that they have safety as they travel back and forth to help out as much as they can. Pray and thank the Lord for these amazing people in my life…. I am just so overwhelmed by the love and support that I have all around me. I am so blessed even in a scary time!
