I have been in a funk of sorts lately. Not only that I am sick, but I feel.. I don’t even know how to explain how I feel. Don’t get me wrong. My life is amazing. I love my husband. I love my daughter. I love my family. But, something is off. I feel so discouraged about some things. I look in the mirror and I am completely disgusted by what I see. I know that I have lost 28 pounds from the pregnancy and only have 9 to go, but I feel so disgusting. I am covered in stretch marks, and have this gross saggy belly from my skin not keeping up with the weight loss. I can’t fit into my jeans, and still wear maternity pants most of the time. I walk through the mall and end up “depressed” because I look at all of these clothes that I would love to wear, but can’t. I can’t for two reason: 1. I am hoping this fatness goes away, so I don’t know what size to get and 2. I can’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe. So, I will continue to wear the same 4 sweaters and my “fat-pants”.. I am trying really hard to work on being content with where I am and what I have. I know that I am so richly blessed, and that material possessions are worthless in life, but that is my struggle…
Chloe is getting more content during tummy time. She lasted much longer today before getting upset than she has in a long time. I love how strong she is, and how much she will talk to me and tell me stories. I had her sort-of laughing tonight. She opens her mouth wide like she would be laughing but nothing comes out. Occasionally a “HA!” or “AH!” comes out.. but other than that, nothing! She is still sick, so on Monday I will be calling her pediatrician (for now..) to make sure I am doing everything that I need to. Our insurance company has yanked us around so much I am completely frustrated. The pediatrician that has seen her since she was born ended up not being covered by our insurance, and somehow that was missed for three months. So, we picked 3 more before we finally found one that our insurance company would finally cover. They apparently need to update their list because every one we were picking was not covered anymore… Now, we finally find one that we won’t need a translator to understand, and she has great reviews.. and our insurance will no longer cover her starting jan. 1st. I’m about to lose my mind because of this… I have learned that when it comes to my child, you don’t mess with me!!
On a happy note, I think we may take Chloe to see Santa after church… Lets see what sort of picture we will get 🙂
1 Thessalonians 4:11
