updating the updates

My OTHER sister has now informed me that it has been too long since I’ve updated this blog. Yeah, yeah. I am busy raising my kiddos. Well, lets see… Last post I was decorating for fall early to hurry the fall weather along. Now, I have decorated for spring in a desperate plea for it to please arrive yesterday. No luck. It snowed today… and every day of my life. Ok, that’s dramatic, but seriously? I am TIRED of the winter here. I picked a wonderful day to update as Chloe just spent almost two hours in a Iwantmilk/Iwantjuice/Iwantmickey/givemeanapple/iwantmilknotjuice fit.. and she is still going.. Please, somebody come and stab me in the ears with knives. Scott won’t take me up on the offer. Rude. She is 2 1/2. She talks A LOT. She is a funny little girl, and is so stinking smart. She also is an ornery little girl that throws major fits when she is unhappy about ANYTHING. She is still obsessed with Dora, though we RARELY allow it on our TV anymore. She tells me daily that her favorite color is blue. She loves pirates. Her favorite animal is a Popo (hippo). I have no idea where any of these obsessions come from, but they crack me up. She isn’t obsessed with princesses and pink, which is refreshing in this day and age. She loves to “hep” mama clean the house and make smoothies. The other day I was asking her to be my teddy bear. I pulled her in close and started squeezing her while pretending to sleep. She told me “That not teddy beaaar, that flowey”. She only gets her binky at naptime and bedtime, because I honestly can’t even handle the thought of her big mouth without a plug in it at night. She is daytime potty trained, though she has been having some setbacks this week. I am not sure why exactly, as there haven’t been any changes that could throw things off. She is only two, and I am so thankful that she is doing as well as she does. She knows just about every letter of the alphabet, all of the basic colors, all of the basic shapes, and can recognize most animals AND do their sounds. She is so intelligent… and knows how to use it against us. I really do love that infuriating/wonderful little girl. I just glanced at her place at the table and noticed that she put the elephant backpack/leash (that I haven’t brought myself to use) in her chair and pushed it in. Silly girl. Addison is also developing quite the personality. She is also becoming obsessed with Dora. I don’t really know her favorite colors or animals yet, and there isn’t a specific anything that she gravitates towards. She refuses to eat any fruit besides bananas. I offer her everything, but she is stubborn about her fruits. She loves to dance around to ANY music. She is most happy when plopped in the stroller and pushed around. If anyone besides mommy/daddy/Chloe says anything to her she blinks her eyes in response to them and grins. She babbles up a storm at home though. She loves pointing out her nose and eyes. She sticks her tongue out all the time. I was rocking her to sleep one night, because I needed it and she kept sticking her tongue out at me and giggling. She is a stinker. But, she is feisty. She pulls hair, bites, and hits if she gets upset. She loves to read books also. She likes making the pig noise and “woof woof”ing like a dog. She loves to see pictures and videos of dogs, but if she meets one in real life she gets frightened. She loves to carry around her “baaaaby” and put her in the stroller. Scott is Scott. He got a new (well, used, but new to him) video game for his PS3, and has been playing it like crazy. I like seeing him have SOMETHING that he enjoys doing. We have agreed that he won’t play it while the girls are awake, so he isn’t addicted to it like a lot of husbands are. He is handsome.. yep.. I am exhausted. The last time I updated, I was about 11 weeks pregnant. Less than a week later, we lost the baby. I can honestly say that it is the most difficult thing that I have ever gone through. I have a lot of guilt and a lot of pain. I also have a God that is GREAT. I ran the Warrior Dash while 4 weeks pregnant, and did not know it. That is when the baby stopped developing. I was upset when I found out. Where would we put a third baby in our already too small house? How could I possibly handle 3 under 3? We were just getting to where we could go places without it being extremely stressful. I would give anything for the extra stress and exhaustion that would have arrived within the next month. Can I just break the stigma and talk about miscarriage a little? I really hate that term. I Miss-carried my child. I did something wrong. My baby DIED. I believe that LIFE begins at conception. That was MY baby. I loved that baby, no matter how terrified I was of his or her arrival. I hadn’t even told my family or most friends that I was expecting again because I was dreading their reactions. It was easier to tell them that I had lost a baby. Some of the things people said were so rude and hurtful. Do not try to justify WHY this happened. Just say “I am so sorry”, or nothing, and move on… I don’t want to be a debby downer here, but that was a HUGE part of my 2012. I am just a few weeks away from my due date. I really am doing OK, but the emotions seem to be resurfacing. I see all of the baby stuff that is put in the empty, unfinished room, and I break down in tears. I don’t want this to be a debby-downer post though, so we are going to move on. A LOT of good has happened, too. I grew ONE carrot in my garden. Then, I forgot that it was in the fridge and never got to try it. Woops! I got on the scale this morning, and I am FINALLY down to my pre-pregnancy-with-Chloe weight! I am actually BELOW that weight! Yee-haw!! Now, if only I could lose the 10 other pounds that I have gained since getting married, I’d be set. I have fallen in love with running. I have fallen in love with fitness and nutrition. I am an organic-food-buying freak. I am ok with that. I buy as much as we can afford, and I sacrifice a lot to afford what I do buy. Next month, we will be heading back to IL to spend some time with our families. I am getting really excited. I will be running a 5K in honor of my dad, who has heart disease, and had triple bypass surgery in 2010. Even better, he MAY be running it beside me!!!!!!!! I have tried so hard to not get my hopes up, but have failed. It would mean the world to me to help fight this disease with him. I am anxious to get home and see family. I haven’t seen them since October. Scott’s family is able to come out a little more often, but we are still excited to see them as well. I am already making my “what to pack” list, because I am a type-A person like that. I have to plan and organize EVERYTHING. I think I have sufficiently bored everyone for now. An update on Chloe: She is STILL awake, sitting up in bed watching her movie. Yes.. my two year old has a TV in her room because I was DESPERATE for her to just sit in her room and BE QUIET.. Judge me.