Happy Friday, friends! Is anyone else extremely lost after the holidays? I can’t figure out what day it is or what I am supposed to be doing. I even worked several days, but still felt like I had forgotten how to do my job every time.
Moving on– I wanted to share something that has been on my heart for quite some time.
Do you ever feel like you have lost yourself? I have. I have felt it for years. In 2009, Scott and I started our lives in full-time ministry. Slowly, I felt myself trying to fit myself into a box of what others expected of me. The way a ministry wife is supposed to walk, talk, dress, etc.
I spent years trying to fit into the mold of what I THOUGHT I was supposed to be. I tried so hard to live up to others’ expectations of me. It was exhausting, and honestly why I feel like I have lost myself.
I am not obligated to live up to others’ expectations. Neither are you. I am obligated to live a life that fully honors Christ. I have an audience of one that I am living for– and no one else. I’m learning to strip away the weight of expectations from others, and learning to embrace the woman that God created ME to be.
I know that this does not just happen to ministry wives. Some women lose themselves in motherhood. This does not mean that “just mom” is an insult. I loved being a stay-at-home mother and would happily go back to it if I were able to. I mean that I lost myself to being a mom. I became so focused on meeting the girls’ needs and taking care of everything for them that I forgot to take care of me. I would skip meals, not take vitamins, and eat so much junk. I think this happens to most moms.
It can also happen with family expectations. I have seen families that don’t see growth or change in people. If you were a certain way as a child, they still treat you that way as an adult. If you do anything different, you are treated as an outcast or made to feel like you have betrayed the family. I have seen it happen so often.
Through all of this, I am learning to laugh more and have fun. I am remembering who ASHLEY is. Just Ashley, child of God. Not Ashley– mother. Not Ashley– ministry wife. Just me. I’m taking better care of myself. I am digging in deeper to God’s word– reading from my Bible and doing a devotion each day. I have learned that it is ok to be different and break the mold. Part of this re-discovery comes from stepping out of ministry and feeling so lost. Another part comes with age.
It’s beautiful to realize who you are again. It’s beautiful to know that when we are back in full-time ministry, I will know exactly who I am– exactly whose I am.