Some days, it all comes down to perspective.
Yesterday, I went to see my neurologist. I was chastised by him for not consistently taking my medication twice I day. I always take it at night but forget in the morning.. or just skip it because I knew that insurance was going to change and not cover it soon. I have been fine taking it just once. He said that he cannot release me because I am not following his orders and am putting myself at risk of having another seizure. I have to have a sleep-deprived EEG also before he will even consider releasing me to drive. My insurance has switched around since having Harper, creating a whole other mess to sort out before I can even begin to get these tests and follow-up appointments done. Insurance doesn’t cover ANY of my medication anymore, and all of the other drugs have too many risks for breast-feeding and side effects. I left his office, got in the van with Scott, and cried. It was just too much thrown on me at once. I also have this looming lump in my breast that still has not gone away. If it is still present when I finish breast-feeding, I will have to have it removed… which freaks me out only because of surgery. I don’t think that it will be a cancer issue.
Then, I called my mom. My beautiful, strong mom. I told her how my appointment went. My aunt was diagnosed with lymphoma several weeks ago. It is all throughout her body. If she doesn’t start treatment NOW, it could consume her body and take her life within weeks. Her insurance has also been messed up, and she cannot afford to do what she needs to do right now.. Perspective. My mom apologized saying that she was sorry that my appointment didn’t go the way I had planned. I told her that it didn’t matter anymore.. I am not dealing with cancer. My life is not at stake…
Can I just say that I am glad that God is not limited by doctor’s opinions. My aunt is currently treatable, but all they hope for is remission. My heart breaks for her, the granddaughter she has custody of, my grandparents, and all of my aunt’s siblings. God CAN heal her body miraculously. I pray that he does. I know that He may choose not to. He will have His reasons. He is good no matter what the outcome of it all is.
Please be in prayer for my family. This news is difficult to hear. Pray that God will be glorified through all that comes to pass; no matter what that may be.
