Happy New Year, friends!! The new year brings lots of new goals, dreams, and desires with it, doesn’t it? I thought, what better time than to share something so near to my heart. A family culture. This is a great time for you to embrace creating your own family culture within your home. What is a family culture? Ainsley Arment, in her book Wild + Free Family, defines a family culture as “your values and vision, your interests and traditions, all wrapped into one. It’s how you structure your life together. How you spend your time each day. The friends you have. The job you hold and how that impacts your family.”
Why create a family culture? Family is so important. You are responsible for your home. Scott and I have three beautiful daughters that we have the privilege of raising up. We take that role very seriously. We have only a limited time with them in our home, and we want to lay a very strong foundation.
A love for the Lord and the things of the Lord comes first. We found a local church family that we are heavily involved in. Rich and deep friendships have been formed over the last couple of years since we stepped into this body of believers. We are there every time the doors open and serve in various capacities. My oldest is now in youth group, and she has formed some deep friendships with really amazing young ladies. Devotions over dinner are had– though they are more sporadic than we’d like, but the effort is made. We do a Bible study every school day during our school time, and have encouraged the girls to study their Bibles on their own also. It is so incredible to hear them talk about what they have read in their own personal time. I know as a mom, it’s sometimes hard to stick to a study. I have been doing Bible studies from The Daily Grace Co. for about a year now, and I really love them. They challenge me and teach me so much. If I am not filling my heart with the things of the Lord, then I cannot possibly pour the things of the Lord into my children’s hearts. Make the time to get in the word every day.
Family dinners are a priority. We try very hard to guard that time. We have dance classes and youth group in the evenings, and I will do a lot of prep work during the day to get meals done in a timely manner so that we still all sit at the dinner table together. I’m not perfect, and there have been a few times where I dropped the ball. Overall, we do a good job at protecting this sacred time. We also have said no to many activities that would take away from this time. Programs that we once loved have been walked away from in order to protect our sacred family time. At first, there was some sadness, but no one thinks anything of it anymore. There are so many rich conversations had over a warm meal that fills our bellies.
During every meal, we ask the girls what a favorite part of their day was. Some days, it’s really easy for them to think of something, because we did something exciting. Most days, they are more mundane. It allows them to think about what they’ve done through the day and find something to be grateful for. It helps them to open up more than if we just ask them how their day was. Some days, we also ask about something not-so-good that happened during the day. I am so thankful for our family dinner times. We grow so much closer during these meals.
In that vein, we also love and value good food. Nourishing, real food is very important to us. Food is fuel for our bodies. Yes, it certainly is full of pleasure also, but we know that what we consume has a great affect on how our bodies feel. We use natural sugars as much as possible, and limit how much of them we consume. Within our home, we are really strict about eating whole foods and choose organic as often as it fits in the budget. Since doing this, the health and happiness of everyone has dramatically changed for the better. My child that used to be sick at least once a month is now rarely sick, for example. Let your food by your medicine. I like to call it slow food. Sourdough bread takes a whole day of forethought and effort. I love the intentionality of all of it. We do say no to a lot of other things because we put more of a budget into good food. I have zero regrets about this.
With that said, I can’t always control what we are exposed to outside of the home. Various functions will provide foods that we don’t eat in our home. In these instances, we just do our best, while not becoming so strict that food becomes an idol. The older girls have learned how their bodies feel when they eat a bunch of junk, and it’s no longer worth it to them to gorge themselves on it. My youngest is another story, but that is pretty normal, and I trust that one day she will recognize the same things. They’re all learning about where our food comes from, what each type of food does for us, and what foods can be harmful if consumed too often– or at all.
Board and card games are our favorite winter way to spend time. It gets dark so early in the cold months, and we often clean up from dinner and play a game if there’s no other activities going on. It is such a fun way to spend time as a family. We get really competitive, but always congratulate the winner. It sounds silly, but the girls have learned how to handle disappointment when they don’t win a game.
Good books are another way we spend time. If you see my kids in a waiting room, you will see them all with their noses stuck in a book. Scott and both love to read, and we have been able to cultivate a love of reading in our girls. Just like how what we consume with food affects us, so does what we consume with our eyes. We value only reading books that are “good and beautiful” (based on Phil. 4:8). We want books that inspire and uplift us, not books that make us feel angry or encourage unkind or immoral behavior. We always have at least one read-aloud that I read to the girls while they eat lunch. We listen to audiobooks in the car almost anywhere we go. We love literature.
On the other side of that coin, we try to spend as much time outdoors as we can. We love to go for hikes and camping trips, but those can’t always happen. Bikes, scooters, a swingset, and a yard full of animals make this a lot of fun. The girls also love to build fairy houses out of found things around the yard. Sticks, milkweed pods, leaves, and rocks end up turning into beautiful creations. You don’t have to have fancy and expensive equipment to encourage a love of nature and the outdoors. One of my kids always sits with a book to read when she’s outside. Take coloring books outdoors. Go for a walk at your local park. That is how it all started for us. We lived in a town with tons of fun playgrounds and parks. As the girls got a little older, we started heading to conservation areas for short hikes. Then, it became longer hikes. We have a really good routine now, and most of the time the kids have a blast. We’re always recharged after a good hike.
Scott and I love being out in nature, and thankfully the children do also. We talk about all that God has created and how beautiful it all is. Discussions are had about how everything works together in a beautiful rhythm. Stewarding the land well is very important to us– because God created it all and commands us to be good stewards of everything. That means they’ve learned to throw away their garbage, not just toss it on the ground. We have a saying that we use– leave it better than you found it. We take that seriously. We also work really hard to create a sustainable farm where nothing goes to waste.
Some may say that we are “too much” while also asking “how did you do it?” I am so thankful for my children. They are overall kind and polite young ladies who treat everyone with kindness and respect. That comes from a lot of work on our part as parents. We have instilled these values in them. We spend a lot of time with them and invest in them. I hope that they grow up with a lot of the same traditions in their own families while also creating their own unique family culture.
All of this said, I am not saying that your family culture needs to look exactly like mine. That’s not it at all. Every family is different, and that is beautiful. We have seen tremendous fruit since really focusing on making this our family culture. What I want to encourage you with today is to be intentional with your families. Set a focus. You only get so many years with your children, and you can’t get them back. You are raising them up and training them up to send them into the world as adults. That is our job as parents. It is never too late to make changes. Start with one area that you really want to change, and go after it. It may be hard, but hard does not equal bad. Our children are always worth it.
Book List for growing and creating your family culture:
Wild + Free Family– Ainsley Arment
The Whole & Healthy Family– Jodi Mockabee
The Lifegiving Home– Sally Clarkson
Mothering by the Book– Jennifer Pepito
M is for Mama– Abby Halberstadt