Next Thursday

Next Thursday marks two years since we lost our baby.. our Quinn Lael.. our “counsel” “belonging to God”. That hurt has NEVER left my heart. I know that God has a purpose for everything we go through; even if we don’t see it this side of Heaven. Or maybe not on the other side. Who knows.

The week I lost Quinn, THREE of my friends/family members lost babies.. one of those people being unsaved. I always prayed (maybe morbidly..) that if I ever faced the pain of losing a child, that I would handle it with grace. That my words and actions would NEVER turn people away from God. I pray that I did that. I pray that I still do.

My heart still aches. My heart hurts to think about it all.. the trip to the hospital; knowing that my baby’s life was gone. The trip home after having it confirmed.. all of it. It hurts.

When we found out we were pregnant with Quinn, we were scared. Three babies.. three kids under three. We talked about not having anymore. I don’t think that I would have gone through with that decision if the baby had lived. But, I don’t know.. and I am not going to play the “what if” game or it would make my mind crazy… there are just too many scenarios.. such as, Harper not being in our lives.

My life is so blessed. I do not mean this to be a huge downer of a post. But, if you think of me next week, please say a prayer for my heart. It hurts so much more on the “anniversary” of the baby’s passing.. and on the due date.