“I will carry you
While your heart beats here;
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years.
I will carry you
All my life.
I will praise the one who’s chosen me
To carry you.”
That is the chorus of a song called “I will carry you” by Selah. It has stuck with me over the past three years. I have written more times than I can count about my loss; our families loss. A couple of weeks ago the girls were asking about what “number” they were in our family. I took it is a great opportunity to tell them that they have a sibling in heaven that they get to meet one day. I don’t think any of it stuck. But, Quinn mattered. Quinn is just as much a part of our family as Chloe, Addi, and Harper are. We are a 6 person family even though it looks very different than I imagined.
It was my biggest fear to lost a child. I feared miscarriage in such a strange way. Even as a teenager who always dreamed of being a mommy, I feared it.
Anyway, ever since my fear came to life, I have searched for a piece of jewelry to wear in honor of Quinn. I wanted something permanent to have here on earth. A tattoo is not in the equation for me.. though I do have a design in my mind.
We traveled last week to see family. A friend of mine asked me for my address and said that she was sending me a surprise. I had no idea what she could possibly be sending to me. We left town for 10 days, so we didn’t get our mail for that time.
Scott picked up our mail today from our neighbor. I opened a package from a company called Eclectic Pretties. Imagine my surprise when I saw this inside..
I can’t capture the perfection of this in pictures.
I am blown away. Just seeing Quinn’s name; my Quinn, not some random Quinn caused a huge flood of emotions to wash over me. It is so beautiful.
This friend went through the same loss within weeks of me. We leaned hard on each other and talked through our grief a lot. The fact that she thought to do something so wonderful for me is just incredible. She had a really beautiful letter in with the package.
Ya’ll. People are so good. Sometimes we see all of the ugliness in this world and we forget how wonderful people can be. I have never thought of this friend as anything but wonderful. We met back when I worked at a huge daycare. Who knew that a daycare could bring me so many wonderful friends who I am still close to all of these years later.
Some people may forget that tiny life, but I never will. This month is Infant Loss Awareness Month. What a wonderful month to receive such a special gift.
