Have you ever laid down in bed at night only to think, “Man, I really failed today.” That has happened to me on many occasions. Last night was one of these. The morning started off great with everyone in good moods. We had an appointment early that went quickly. We ate a good, healthy breakfast. We played, went to Sam’s club, ate lunch, and took good naps. That is when it all started. The girls woke up on the wrong side of the bed/crib. G-R-O-U-C-H-Y. All three of us.
I was given a Red Lobster gift card, and this week they had a coupon to get the kids meals free with the purchase of ours. SA-weet! We decided to give Chloe yet another chance to sit in the booth next to us. Dumb. That child is going to be twenty-five and still sitting in a stupid high chair. There is only so much disciplining that you can do in public.. which is practically nothing.. If you DON’T discipline, then you are “that” parent who isn’t doing anything. If you DO, then you are “that” parent who supposedly abuses their children. Chloe was all over the place. Under the table- check. Staring at people next to us- check. Screaming- check. This child REALLY tests me… daily. Awesome waiter dude took 100 years getting our check to us. That’s how it felt anyway. I finally told Scott that I was taking her to the van because I couldn’t take it anymore. I disciplined her real good in the van. She fake-cried acting like she was horribly sorry for her behavior. She fake-coughed to attempt to cover her laughter. Where does a two-year-old get this behavior from?!?!?!??!??!?! I most certainly am not teaching her. Ugh.
From there we got extra stupid and went to the mall. My husband wears his tennis shoes daily. Every single day those things are on his feet. You wondered what that smell was? Oh, yeah, that’s his shoes. He pointed out that there is a MASSIVE hole in the toe of his shoes to me the other day. Umm… yeah.. let’s get that taken care of. We got him a new pair of shoes while the girls threw fits in the stroller. Addison is usually really good and content as long as she is being wheeled around in her chariot. I think she had enough of Chloe’s fantastic, gold star worthy behavior by this time, too. We came home and I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to climb into the van and drive away from my life. But, gas prices are $4.29, and I may need both kidneys some day..
I laid down and just thought, “Wow, that was awful!” I yelled. I lost my patience. I didn’t show grace, or the love of Jesus to my girls. What if that was the last day I ever got with them? Are those the memories I would want them to have of me? Are those the memories I would want to keep of my last day with them? So often our days are hard. They are long, and seemingly endless. I am tested DAILY by my strong-willed child… who is probably a lot like me and I just don’t want to admit it. I had to pray, tell myself I would do better today, and fall asleep in my exhausted and disappointed state while trying to forgive myself.
Today is shaping up to be a lot like yesterday. Chloe is refusing to nap, or even stay away from her door and BE QUIET during her rest time. She has woken Addison up an hour earlier than normal for her. I have an extra toddler who throws epic fits when he is told “no.” Pray that I have grace, patience, and wisdom today. I am struggling. I know I am not the only mama who feels this way. We all have these bad days. Maybe if we banded together in prayer for one another, we would have the strength to get through these days.
