Have you ever had something in your life that didn’t hit you until after it was over? That is what this week has been so far.
Harper has been pretty sick. She’s run a fairly high fever and had a nasty sounding cough. The doctor and I suspect she has asthma, but we can’t do official testing until she’s around the age of six. We have a nebulizer and albuterol on hand for whenever we need it.
She hadn’t been eating much for the past week. She wasn’t really drinking. I had taken her to urgent care twice because I knew something wasn’t right. They kept saying her lungs sounded fine, strep was negative, and sent us home each time. Listen, I don’t take my kids to the doctor unless I really feel like something is happening. Most illnesses are viruses, and I know they can’t help with that. For me to take her twice in 5 days was a big deal.
Sunday morning, she stayed home from church with me. She continued running a fever that wouldn’t completely go away with medicine, and continued coughing. I had a feeling she would have a rough night. She was up and down constantly until after 1 AM, and I would sit by her until she would doze off. I guess I finally dozed off around that point because she was standing by my bed and scared me half to death. Scott got up and put her in bed. I could hear her coughing through the monitor. I got up and could hear her trying to breathe from the doorway. We immediately started giving her a breathing treatment while I called an on-call doctor. She said we needed to get her to the ER.
Scott got her taken care of while I quickly got dressed. We rushed out the door and got the the ER around 2 or so. They were swamped and understaffed, so it took quite a while for a nurse to come get her. When she heard Harper breathing, her eyes got really big.
They put her in a room and hooked her up to monitors. Her heart rate was sky high (160-170 BPM), but her oxygen was looking good at that point. They gave her another breathing treatment because her breathing was so shallow and labored. They did blood test, a chest x-ray, and swabbed her for all the things. We waited, she got another breathing treatment, and she finally dozed off. While she was sleeping, her oxygen dropped to 90% when they came in and gave her oxygen. They also discovered that her white blood cell count was pretty high.
The ER doctor came in and said they wanted to admit her so they could monitor her and see what was going on. I text Scott so he could let his boss know he wouldn’t be into work that day.
They got us in a room and put her on an IV because she was really dehydrated. They gave her an antibiotic and steroid. The steroid got her REALLY wound up. We ordered breakfast, and waited. Nurses and doctors shuffled in and out. My dad went to our house to stay with the big girls and my mom brought Scott up to the hospital. She also brought up a coffee and pastries later, which was so needed… and delicious.
Monday was a lot of waiting. Harper didn’t want me to leave her side, so I was in the bed next to her through most of it. She found Paw Patrol on TV, and was really happy. Her heart rate finally started coming down, and her oxygen improved a lot. The chaplain came in and brought Harper a koala bear. She prayed with us and was so kind.
Our pastor’s wife– also a lady that I count as a dear friend– came up to see her. Harper was so excited, and it meant a lot to all of us! My mom came up again (she works in the hospital) and brought Harper a pony and balloons.
The doctor said that the chest x-ray showed a lot of inflammation, but was clear of pneumonia. He wanted to keep her overnight so they could observe her while she slept. We were all supposed to go to a ladies banquet that night. Chloe and Addi were really excited about it, so my sweet mom took them. My dad came up to see her in the evening (and Harper asked what he brought her. ha!). I’m so so grateful for the tribe of people that we have surrounding us. We FaceTimed the big girls before they went to bed. Sweet Addi was trying not to cry. I cried when we hung up. It’s an odd feeling to have your heart split in two places.
Harper slept really great at the hospital. The nurses were coming in pretty often listening to her lungs, and I wondered if her oxygen was going down some. Once, they were watching her ribs to see if she had retraction. I didn’t have a screen in there where I could watch. That really was probably a blessing or I never would have slept. She wanted me to lay down beside her, so we slept like that for a bit. She did get really restless for a bit, and after being hit in the face five times I moved. haha!
They checked on her when she woke up and told us that we were going to be going home after they re-did a couple of tests. Her heart rate was normal, oxygen was good, and fever was FINALLY gone. The pediatrician was so kind, and let Harper have his stethoscope because she really liked it. He told her to become a doctor when she grew up.
Scott’s mom came up to see her around lunch time. Once we finished lunch, they started on discharging her.
Harper had to take her IV with her every time she went to the bathroom. At first, I was carrying her and pushing it because she was worn out. By the next day, she was insisting on pushing it herself. I couldn’t resist taking a picture of her. She was so proud. This was our last trip before getting the IV out and going home!
It wasn’t until we got home that it all really hit me. I walked into her bedroom, and her nebulizer was still sitting on the floor where we left it. It was like a flash back. I hadn’t really allowed the fear I felt to come to the surface. It was just a “get done what needs done” mentality. I broke down in tears.. You doubt yourself a lot as a parent. When you KNOW something isn’t right, but no one seems to believe you or is finding anything, its frustrating. Too see your child struggle to do something as simple as breathe was heart wrenching. I’ve never felt so helpless. Watching her get poked and prodded multiple times was terrible.. It was all terrible.
We came home still not fully knowing what caused it all. Is it going to happen again? I bought one of these as soon as we got settled so that I will be able to check her if I feel worried… which I will. I had a really hard time letting myself fall asleep last night. She didn’t have nurses telling me that she was doing ok. She ended up sleeping through the night, which her body really needed. I only woke up one time once I fell asleep.
I also want to say that the kid you see in those pictures looks pretty healthy. I won’t be that parent sharing images of my kid looking miserable.. I have pictures because I was sending Scott a lot of updates. I would have wanted to SEE her also. We FaceTimed him from the ER. I have videos of her awful breathing. She was very sick. She had major bursts of energy from the steroids. Then, she would come crashing down and just lay in bed.
The whole time we were in the room and walking the halls, I just kept thinking of all the parents that live their lives like that. I can’t imagine having a medically fragile child and spending more time in the hospital than out. Those mamas are rockstars.
Nurses are real life heros. Harper had to get a second round of blood work done, which meant another poke. The nurse held Harper like she was her own baby. She squeezed her and loved on her when I wasn’t able to. As soon as she could, she put her in my arms. If you are a nurse, known that you deserve to wear a cape every day.
Please continue praying for Harper as she heals more. We came home on three medications. She definitely is doing better, but has a bit more healing to do. Home has never felt so good.
