“Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. ” Philippians 4:11-13
Why is this so hard to live out. I am trying so hard to be content right where God has planted me… I wake up with that intent. Then, I come upstairs and look out the window and see several inches of snow and massive mounds piled in our yard from the parking lot. I stay inside of this house that feels like it is literally shrinking by the second, and I feel like my head is going to explode. When I do actually go outside, my face freezes off and I get angry. I am so frustrated in my circumstances.
I have three weeks until I maybe get cleared to drive. Three weeks feels like an eternity. But, then I think, I am not going to drive in ice and snow after NINE months of not driving, so it really doesn’t matter. Having answers will be nice, but I am afraid of what the answers will be.
I am getting an ultrasound done of my freak thyroid.
I need to go see a lactation specialist because a month and a half of these problems is not ok.
There are so many things swirling around in my mind that I can’t say, but I just don’t even know how much more I can take.
I want a vacation. I want to get away from this place for a REAL vacation. Not one where we are torn between family and spending more time in the car driving back and forth. A break for us. One where we can just be a family. The five of us. Doesn’t that sound amazing? I know it is stressful to travel with children, especially three so young. But, to have no schedule.. just go walk on the beach and feel the warm sunshine.
Why is contentment so hard to find? Why can’t I stop this feeling? I am trying to not be angry at my circumstances, because I know how much worse they could be. It’s hard.
Here are some things that I AM grateful for.
1. I have a roof over my head. It may be small, but it keeps the snow and most of the cold away.
2. I have three beautiful daughters who are silly and entertaining.
3. I have an amazing husband who works hard to serve the Lord and others.
4. I have a coffee maker. Seriously.
5. I am loving my Jamberry business and team.
6. I have a loving and supportive family.
7. Technology allows me to keep in touch with my best friends even though they live far away and even on different continents.
8. I have clothing to help keep me warm.
9. My baby is cooing and making it difficult to concentrate, but she sounds oh, so cute!
10. I have God’s word available at my fingertips. I am able to READ it and UNDERSTAND it. I am so thankful for the gospel.
