Hi, friends!

It’s been quiet here in blog land because life has been incredibly LOUD. Almost two weeks ago, things started falling apart. Literally. Our van window fell apart. The window itself was fine, but the mechanism that rolls it up and down broke. The timing was not ideal because we kept getting random downpours. Something in the rear axel was also broken and had to be repaired.

If you don’t know, we are a one-car family. We have to take really good care of our one car. The day after the repairs were finished, we were driving to see my mom-in-law and return her car. She let us borrow hers so that we didn’t have to rent a vehicle, which has been such a blessing. I was driving our van, and right when we got into her town the van quit. It would move in reverse, but the moment you put it in drive it jerked, puttered, and died.

Of course it died 30 miles away from home. We left it parked in a CVS parking lot, and I cried. The next day, a trailer was rented and my dad towed it to the place that had worked on it before. Fast forward to Monday after they look at it, and the whole transmission needs replaced. We still owe on this van. A USED transmission is thousands of dollars.

Let’s just say I have cried a LOT. We have been in the situation where we had to eat PB&J sandwiches for days while waiting for a paycheck. We have moved in with family because of job loss. We have hit really low points, but nothing has felt as hopeless as this situation. We either put thousands into a van that’s not worth all that much anymore, or we buy a new van and still pay for the old dead one. Go ahead and look at the cost of a used minivan..

We are so incredibly frustrated. We have been working really hard to get out of debt. We just took on MORE.. We are getting our old van fixed because it’s really the only option. We are also praying that since it’s a remanufactured transmission, this van will last for many more years for us. (Side note: if you live in Oklahoma DO NOT buy from this dealership. They sold us a terrible car. They won’t even return calls and just pass us around.)

My mother-in-law had the kids over for a slumber party this past weekend and took them to a play. She graciously picked them up early and allowed us to finally get the car situation squared away. We were also able to go to the farmhouse and paint several rooms, get Harper a birthday present, and just get a little time to breath. Scott and I are passing ships most days, so figuring out a plan is not the easiest. We had been texting back and forth and leaving notes for each other. We’re glad to have a plan, but still so very frustrated and overwhelmed. We are clinging to God’s promises and what we KNOW is true, even when it doesn’t feel that way.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

The finality of death is harsh. The knowledge that I will see her again gives me hope.

Over the weekend, we had the Celebration of Life service for my Grandma. Reality really hits you in the face when you walk into the room at the nursing home and see her side completely emptied out. The whole time it felt like she should be there. She loved gathering the whole family in her home for celebrations. She would have loved it.

But, she is healed and whole. NOTHING could be better for her.

My cousin, Matt, did the service. He met with her when they put her on hospice, and she planned it all. He did such a great job. We sang Grandma’s favorite hymns. My grandpa sang a song for her and told so many funny stories. I loved hearing how ornery she was.

At the end, Matt said that Grandma didn’t want us to leave sad. She had one last surprise up her sleeve even though she is gone. My grandma was a huge St. Louis Cardinals fan. She had Matt lead us in “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” to finish it all. Oh, Grandma. Even in death she gave us a gift. I’m pretty sure we all sobbed through it. I can’t seem to find the words to explain how truly special that was.

My sweet Grandpa was so strong through it all, but he is hurting so much. I asked him how he and Grandma met. They were 16 when they met and got married at 18. He told me how they never dated anyone else. Scott is the only guy that I have ever dated. Grandpa said “That’s how it should be. People treat partners like they are a pair of socks now!” How true that is. After he told me how they met, he looked at me and said, “I think you two are going to be like us. You’re gonna make it.” From a man who spent 67 years loving the same woman through the good, bad, and ugly– that means everything.

I’m full of gratitude that we were able to be there. I’m grateful for every moment. Celebrate life while you are still alive. Ask for the stories and LISTEN to the advice and lessons while your loved ones are still here. You don’t want to be full of regrets and questions when it’s too late. There are so many lessons to be learned from those who have walked the paths before us.

If you have been around here for a while, you know that Scott and I dream of one day owning a homestead. It feels like such a far off and impossible dream because of our current circumstances.

I’m going to take you back to late November/ early December. I was working at the library and chatting with one of our patrons. She mentioned that her husband was a farmer. In our talking I mentioned our dream of living on a farm. Her eyes got really big and she told me about a house that they own and rent. They don’t list it as for rent because they don’t want just anyone moving in, but the tenants had just moved out and the house is empty. She told me that if we’d really be interested to drive out and check it out some time. Scott and I drove by, and loved it. But, figured it would be way out of our budget and didn’t really do anything more.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a really rotten day. I was discouraged and going to take a ton of bags of clothes and toys to donate just to get out of the house. Instead, I turned the opposite direction. I drove up to this beautiful farm house and walked around the property. I had permission to do this, so don’t get upset about it.

I walked around and just stood in awe. I have always loved old farm houses. My family used to go riding around a lot when I was a kid. I used to love seeing the farm houses. My mom and I would get sad any time we’d drive by an abandoned one thinking about all of the memories that the house held. Anyway, I was walked back to my car when a truck came down the road and pulled in. It was the farmer himself. I told him who I was and what I was doing there so that he didn’t think I had vandalized his property or anything. His kind face lit up and asked if I wanted to see the inside.

You guys. I was literally fighting tears the whole time. He showed me each room. The house was built around 1860. He build on the front room himself, and put up some walls to make bedrooms in the upstairs. It had all been one big room before. When we were walking back to the door, he asked me what I thought of it. I told him that it was so beautiful, but I didn’t know if it was something we could afford. He told me what he charges for rent. I. Cannot. Handle. It. It’s so low, and he doesn’t feel right raising it even after I told him what most people charge for rent in our town. He was disgusted by that.

I called Scott and fought blubbering like a baby. What are the chances of bumping into this woman and the conversation happening? What are the chances of him just happening to show up to the house while I am there? What are the chances that the rent is going to allow us to live within our means and help us get out of debt? WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!

Scott talked to the farmer on the phone last night, and as long as there aren’t any major repairs that he doesn’t want to pay to fix, we will be moving in some time this year! There’s not an exact time frame, since he hasn’t looked at the house closely yet. March at the earliest. The farmer said that he had thought about just tearing the house down at one point, but the house is still in such good shape.

The house sits on his farm land, so it surrounded by corn/soybean fields and has several large pole barns that house his equipment. It will be loud during planting and harvesting season, I am sure. But, what an incredible thing for the kids to witness. There is a chicken coop by the house. We are planning some raised beds to plant vegetables.

I am speaking this while it is still very early. Something could happen that could cause it all to come crashing down. I know this. We were planning raised beds in the house we currently live in anyway, so we will be planting here or there in the Spring.

On Sunday night, our pastor was talking about prayer and being faithful. He said that so often we expect God to say yes that when he says no, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. (So, remain faithful in those no times.) This is going to sound pessimistic, and show the tole the past several years have taken on my heart. But, I truly have reached the point where I am saying that I don’t know what to do if God says YES to this. I know. That’s terrible. So, I am writing this post and sharing with the world. Will you pray for this situation. I am prepared for something to cause this to not happen. I know that if it falls through, God will have a reason. But, I am praying that it all goes smoothly.

I am so excited and really feel so honored that I got to look at this beautiful home and hear about the history of it. That alone was such a gift. I pray that we get to call this place home. But if not, God is still good