Ever since Harper was born, my plate has felt pretty full. I tend to thrive under pressure though… as well as feel a little insane.

Harper was born in July. My Faith Bible Institute class started in August. We started our Homeschool year in September. We went to see our families in October, and that is when the homeschooling sort of fell apart. We’ve put it back together though!! In November I started my Jamberry business. December is when I was given the go-ahead for our brand new MOPS program.

MOPS is where my mind is really focused right now. I started getting things set up in December and formulating ideas in my head. I was trying to wait until I could have a real meeting with Pastor before making real plans. He is also a busy man, so no meeting has ever come. I finally just published the facebook page and set up dates and got the ball rolling. He is getting really excited about the program and what the purpose of it is. When your pastor is on board, then you are set! haha!

Anyway, I am working on some very cheap centerpieces, crafts, and all of that jazz. I love doing crafts, but never really get a chance to do them. Thankfully, this gives me an excuse. I HAVE TO make things for this. 🙂

Here is what I have so far.

Take the chalkboard sign out, and this is what will be on our tables. I am trying to do things that can easily be used for next year’s theme since we are starting so late in the game. I am also going to do a wood slice, but the person who offered to do them for me suddenly up and went on vacation.. so I guess I will be purchasing a couple. I am really trying to stick to a SMALL budget because I am fronting the cost for all of this myself.

I am really, really excited for the potential friendships that will be made. I am even more excited to have the opportunity to introduce mamas to the love that Jesus has for them!! Please pray for our MOPS ministry. I have one other committed helper and another who has offered to help whenever she can. God can make this ministry explode and be bigger than I can even imagine, but I need some more helpers. 😉

Bravery is the theme of the year, and it is going to take a whole lot of courage for me to do this. It is way out of my comfort zone, but I am honored to get the opportunity to challenge myself.

I saw my doctor yet again today. I asked her to please refer me to an endocrinologist because I am frustrated by not knowing what is going on with my body.

She said that with my latest blood tests, my T4 levels stayed the same, but the overall TSH had gone up. It is still in the normal range, but it did go up. That could be a sign that it is on it’s way to failure. Because it is chronically diseased and I have a goiter, it is a sign that my thyroid is eventually going to quit on it’s own.

I am really anxious to move forward with gaining some insight into my endocrine system. I asked about adrenal fatigue,  since I have every symptom listed. She said that it is possible that I am dealing with it, because my potassium has been low every time I’ve had those levels tested. But, the symptoms of adrenal fatigue and thyroid disease overlap. She said that I could be one of the rare people who has adrenal problems that have caused my thyroid problems. But, I also could not be. I may have to get a radioactive iodine test done, which will mess up breastfeeding for me..

I just want to do this..

We finally had sunshine today!! Sunshine that was actually accompanied by warmth!!!!!!

WHAT?!?!? That rarely happens here.. Yeehaw!!!

It is also grocery weekend, so I spent the first part of the day running to various grocery stores to get our two weeks of food. Chloe was also in need of a new helment, so I went to the store and picked one up for her. I think Addi is probably already too big for her bike, so we will be eyeing the sales after the summer and possibly get a new one for her birthday. We will see.

Back to our glorious weather..

We went outside. Scott grilled chicken. The girls flew kites, rode bikes, and played at “Mickey Park” AKA. our swingset. It was pretty windy, so we ended up eating inside instead of at the picnic table. During the summer months we eat A LOT of meals outside. We love, love, LOVE being outside in the fresh air.

We took a little.. ok a long.. break from homeschooling. Harper wasn’t really on any kind of schedule anymore and I could not for the life of me get anything figured out because she was increasingly more active. I thrive on a schedule, and so do my kids, so trying to throw it in here and there was just not working for any of us.

Now, H naps at pretty regular times, so we have been getting back into the swing of things. My kids are so smart and bright, and they blow me away. Chloe is still working on Pre-K work. Addison is still a little young; her birthday is in October. I don’t think that we will do real pre-k with her next year even. I don’t think she would be ready for it since her birthday is late. We will just do printables, etc. for her next year while Chloe does Kindergarten. But, that is next year. Back to this year..

Anyway, Addi FINALLY did a worksheet according to the instructions, and my mama heart swelled with pride. She wants to only do animal papers… thanks a lot Aunt Curly for somehow passing that gene to her. :p

If you want to homeschool your kids, but just don’t feel like you can do it. YOU CAN! The companies provide SO MANY resources whenever you order curriculum. We are doing Horizon’s pre-k curriculum right now, and bought Heart of Dakota for next year. I love Horizon’s so far, and like what I have seen of our Kindergarten. I haven’t really dove into it because I am still figuring out pre-k.

Some of my recommendations from an OBVIOUS not-pro:
1. Don’t start immediately after having a baby. Ever..
2. Buy a fancy pencil sharpener. My hands are going to fall off from using a cheap tiny thing to sharpen pencils.
3. Have a set space where you do school. I was told not to put it in their bedrooms because then they would be thinking about schoolwork and unable to fall asleep.
4. JoAnn’s does a discount for homeschooling moms as well as teachers. Use it!
5. Don’t stress. Teaching my kids has been stressful, but overall a real joy to do. I get to be the one to see their eyes light up when they learn something new. It’s amazing. (That is not at all a judgement on moms who don’t homeschool. I understand that some people just don’t want to or are incapable for various reasons. NO judgement at all. I just love being able to witness it.)
6. Find a mentor who can help you. I have a friend who has homeschooled her 4 daughters. She provided me with lots of information and help. I am so grateful for her.
7. Pray a lot. I firmily believe that God has called me to do this. I don’t know if He will have us do this forever, but right now I am in His will. I can’t do this without His help!

My sweet baby. Today marks the 3rd year of celebrating your due date without you. I thought it would get easier. In a sense, it has. I don’t have buckets of tears flowing. But, my heart aches. You would be turning two this year. Who would you be? Would you be just as silly as your sisters? Would you have loved your new baby as much as they do?

There are so many questions that will never get answered. I have so many hugs and kisses that I want to give you.

Easter is tomorrow. There should be four little baskets full of tiny gifts. I am saddened to know that I never got to buy you a present. But, because of Easter; because of Christ dying on the cross and RISING three days later, I get to see you one day. I know that I will get to hug you in heaven one day because me eternity is secure in Christ. I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful that you are celebrating the true reason WITH HIM!! How incredible it must be to see the scars in his hands and feet; the scar on his side.

Are you in awe? I wonder if you ever think of your earthly mommy and daddy. A part of me hopes so. But, I know that you are with JESUS. There is NOTHING better than that.

So, I will get through this day in a fog as I typically do, but a fog with hope. Hope..

We spend 10 glorious days with our families. Home. I miss a place that feels like home. Now, I know that this world is my TEMPORARY home. My eternity is secure with Jesus. But, there is that warm fuzzy feeling as soon as we pull into our home town. I get teary eyed every time we pull into the neighborhood where I rode my bike. We took our kids to the park where we used to play at as kids. My kids played games in the backyard that I used to play games in. I can’t really describe that feeling. I am so grateful to have had an amazing childhood that I can look back on with fond memories. One that I want to re-create for my own children.

Our nearly 8 hour trip went perfectly. The girls all were so good the entire time!!! Harper cried once, for maybe a minute, and then was fine again. We had one potty accident, but that was on us. We said “they are doing so well!” that we decided to just keep going instead of stopping for a break. Oops!

We forgot our camera, so all I have are silly pictures. Me hanging out with my nephew’s ninja turtle. My dad and Addi is not silly. He took a day off and we got to hang out with him all day. It was such a blessing, especially considering his recent diagnosis. I held it together while we were there for the most part!! I would occasionally hear a song on the radio that applied to how life has been lately and have tears streaming down my face. For me, that is good. I am an emotional nut. God made me that way. 😉 On our trip home, we stopped to feed Harper and take a potty break. I sent my parents and Scott’s parents the picture of Harper saying that she was tired of being a passenger. We were stir crazy by then! haha!

It was the best trip home that we have ever had. Harper barely slept at night, but it was so nice to be with people who love us that it didn’t even matter. Waking up at 4 AM allowed me to have coffee with my dad in the mornings. I got to hear his heart about having cancer.. hear his fears and see his strength. Even though it is “just” prostate cancer, it is still cancer.. it still stinks.

Anyway, I don’t want to end on a gloomy note because I am trying so hard to focus on the GOOD instead of the bad. I do that too often!! Scott and I get to go to a wedding this weekend without the kiddos, and I am so excited to get dressed up with my handsome man and spend some time with him feeling mushy and romantic! I love weddings!!

I have been talking on here a lot about an unspoken request. Something being very heavy on my heart. Something that turned my world upside down. It has been publically shared, so I feel that I can share it on here now.

My dad had some blood tests done and had to see a urologist because his PSA levels were elevated. They did biopsies of his prostate. My dad text me one day asking me if we could Skype. That’s not too unusual on a Saturday because we like to see them and chat. I told him that I’d be home from the grocery store in a few minutes and then I would call him.

We chatted for a few minutes and then he said that he was going to have to get going, but he wanted to give me his news. He said that he got the results of his biopsy. “It is cancer.” Then the internet messed up and he froze. I froze. It is WHAT?

Prostate cancer is an extremely slow spreading cancer. He had a bone scan and stomach CT, and it was all clean. His cancer is contained to the prostate, and they are now weighing their options.

My dad is a fighter. He is battling heart disease. He had a stroke. He is not letting them win. I know that this cancer won’t win either.

I feel like God must have something really good coming for our family. Usually there is a big storm before the rainbow. I know that God is doing something in us because Satan is fighting so hard to take us down. God is BIGGER. God is BETTER!!

Please pray for my family. This news is hard to hear. It sucks to be completely honest. It really sucks to hear that your dad has cancer. We are angry.. but I know that we will be ok.

If you have read past blog posts, you know that sickness has been going through our house. Chloe has had some virus that made her cough like crazy and run a fever. She passed it on to Harper, who started coughing and running a fever on Wednesday. Wednesday night, I tried to feed her before laying her down for bed and she refused to eat. I figured that she was probably just too tired to eat, so I laid her down and didn’t pump just in case she woke back up.

The next day, I tried feeding her when she woke up. She would dig her little hands into my body and push away while screaming. You would think that I was trying to make her eat.. I dunno.. black licorice. That’s how I’d react anyway. This continued all day. I think she is teething on top of being sick, so I tried to not pump very often in case she was hungry. I didn’t want her to be in pain when trying to eat. I finally called her doctor because it was nearing 24 hours. Desire is the PA at our doctor’s office. She had seen Chloe two days prior. She said that as long as Harper was producing tears and didn’t have a dry mouth, that I didn’t need to worry about dehydration. She asked if Harper has been sick. After explaining that she’d had a mild cough and low fever, she asked if I’d like to bring her the next day to check her lungs. I said sure, but didn’t really think they would find anything because she really wasn’t coughing very bad. She had a stuffy/runny nose more than anything.

Friday, I took her in and they said they could hear wheezing in her lungs. They said she had bronchiolitis and checked for RSV, which came back negative. 3 days of an oral steroid and she should be good. Just keep trying to push fluids however she will take them… which is, SHE WON’T! on Friday night she finally took a bottle and took a few bottles on Saturday. Sunday, I could hear her wheezing badly and took her into the ER after calling the doctor and he suggested it. They checked for pneumonia, which was also negative. She still would not nurse. She wouldn’t try. She screamed and cried if I even held her like I was going to try to nurse her. The ER doctor said “She’ll eat when she gets hungry enough.”

By Sunday I was freaking out because it had been SO LONG, and I was pumping every 2 hours and barely getting anything.

We are traveling later this week, so I was worrying about how I would be able to pump so often while seeing family, and what if I don’t keep up while we are there? So many questions stressing me out.

Last night, she was so exhausted by the time bed time came after going to the doctor once again for a follow-up. She had lost 1 lb 5 oz since Friday. She has to do breathing treatments, and take an antibiotic because her virus has most likely turned bacterial and needs treatment. I figured that I would go ahead and try nursing her again while the big girls cleaned up their mess from the day. Lo and behold, she FINALLY nursed. I cried so hard. It had been so long.

If you have never nursed a baby, you probably won’t understand this; unless you were unable to nurse because your body just wouldn’t do it. I thought I was never going to get to nurse her again. That would mean that I never again would be nursing a baby.. I did not want to have that ripped away from me like I feel the choice to have more babies was.

The bond that you form when nursing your baby is like no other. It’s amazing and beautiful, and I have always loved it; unless they get to be a stinker and bite a lot. ha!

I am so, so thankful that she nursed through the night many times. I am not thankful that she was miserable and cried all night if she wasn’t being held or laying next to me. I don’t like when my babies are miserable. She did finally get some sleep and I sort of rested. I am just thankful that she has continued nursing today, and it seems like we are back on track now that she is able to breathe a little better.

I am thankful that we have an amazing pediatrician who suggested that we bring her in to check on her lungs just to be safe. I never would have known, and it may have been so much worse on Sunday if she hadn’t had the steroid to help reduce the inflammation.

I am thankful that Chloe is getting over her sickness, and that hers never got any worse. I am thankful that Addison has been able to avoid getting sick, and that Scott and I have avoided it, too.

Dear diary,

I complain too much. It’s time to change this.

I had my follow up appointment yesterday. My doctor was booked all week, so I saw another doctor in the practice. He said that he did not see any reason for me to stop the AIP “diet”, because there is nothing wrong with eating healthy like that. He said to sure be sure and compensate and eat more than I was. He also was willing to do the test to find out if I have Hashimoto’s or not. So, next Thursday I go back and see my doctor. This is all so irritating.

I am not pregnant anymore. When I am not pregnant, I NEVER go to the doctor… ever… I spent hours at my doctor’s office because they were trying to pinpoint what caused my episode on Sunday. He said that all he can figure is nutrition. I was almost hypoglycemic, too, so that could have been a part of it. Whatever. It wasn’t a heart attack. That is all that matters to me!!! I am starting to reintroduce foods today. Cashews were first on the list. They are tasty, full of protein and healthy fats, and will be great to travel with.

On another note, Chloe has been coughing horribly since Friday and started running a fever on Sunday. I called her doctor yesterday and they wanted to see her right away, so I spent hours in the evening at her doctor’s office with her. She is at the point where she will either start getting better, or it will turn into a sinus infection and she will need an antibiotic. Harper has started coughing now, too, so please pray this goes away. We are supposed to be traveling to see our families next week, and we can’t go if everyone is sick!! It is near the 50s here, and I finally hunted down some rain boots yesterday, so we are going to play with chalk outside after nap. We may not be able to go to church or the store, but we can enjoy the sunshine.

On the rainboot front, the only ones that I could find for Addi were yellow, which makes me think of my younger sister. They make me smile. 🙂 HOORAY FOR SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!