I am blessed with an amazing husband. Grace over at CAMP PATTON is doing a love story link-up. Well, I thought it would be fun to sit down and remind myself of how much I am in love with that man. So, here it goes.

I remember the exact day that we officially met. It was May 14, 2003. I showed up to school that morning and learned that Wayne, a young Sophomore, had been killed in a car accident. I had some classes with Wayne. I didn’t really know him. The last thing he had ever said to me was something about why I was wearing so much make-up. (I was in show choir, and we had JUST performed for the school.. no time to clean the clown make-up off before my next class). That is all I really remember of him. Anyway, that whole day just felt so.. unreal.. people in high school aren’t supposed to die. It just didn’t seem right. All I wanted to do was be with my closest friends. My best friend, Meredith, invited me to go to church with her. She went to the Methodist church in town. I went with her, and there was this guy.. in a navy blue t-shirt and khaki cargo shorts. She introduced us, and we flirted by having a duct-tape fight. We kept sticking the tape to each other’s arms. Every time I would stick it to his, I would think, “Man, this guy has MUSCLES!” HAHA!

This was the days of AOL Instant Messenger. Skeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeargabaraghabhaha… “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!” We would talk on IM every. single. night. Cheesy, stupid things.. things that were so corny that I feel embarrassed even thinking about them. Now, I need to state this. My parents had given me a strict “no dating until you are 16” policy. I was 15.. At the time, I didn’t care. I was irritated at that rule, and did not respect it. Scott asked me to be his girlfriend on June 11, 2003.. over IM. 😉 We never actually went on dates or anything because I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I regret this with my whole heart. I hurt my relationship with my parents. I hurt my Jesus, who died to FREE ME from my sins.. YA’ll, doing something that you parents have adamantly told you not to do is SIN. I don’t care how you try to twist or turn it, it is sin. My dad told me that he could forgive me since he has two beautiful granddaughters now, but it still hurts my heart to know that I did wrong.. Anyway.. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS!

We went to homecoming in that year. Scott got saved that year! I’m going to fast forward to being 16, because that first year was not OK. I got my license, Yippee. We could FINALLY go out on a real date. You know where I picked? ARBY’S! Arby’s?!?!? I dunno, it was my favorite at the time. Now, if you know me, you know that I overflow any sandwich with condiments. I was a disgusting mess of melted cheese and Arby’s sauce.. but I did not care one bit. Thankfully, he pretended that he didn’t care either. 😉

We went to church camps, more homecomings, more proms.. I got saved at church camp July 12, 2005. It was awesome. Scott left for Baptist Bible College in August 2005. UP to that date, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I cried like a baby for a looooooong time. My mom would roll her eyes if she was reading this, because she KNOWS how much I cried. I missed him.. But, the time apart was really good for us. It forced us to almost get to know each other all over again. We talked about our hopes, dreams, plans, etc. He came home for a weekend every month. It was rough, but again, the best thing for us.

In April (the 16th or 17th, I can’t remember right now..) I came home from work. My mom was the only one home. This was weird because my dad and sister should have been home.
“Mom, where are Dad and Amanda at?”
“The hospital. There’s been an accident. Kaitlin is probably not going to make it.”
I don’t remember my response, but I remember arguing with mom for a while. Then, the phone rang. My mom hung up, and said some words that I will never forget. So simple. So life changing.
“I’m sorry, she’s gone.”
Just recalling this causes tears to stream down my face. How is it that in the blink of an eye, a beautiful young woman was taken from this earth? Why is this part of our love story, you ask? Let me tell you. I called Scott and I sobbed on the phone to him. The next day I get a call from him in the evening, which was not unusual. In the middle of our conversation he tells me to go outside. What?! I look out the door, and there is my Scott standing in the driveway. I threw (!!) the phone and fell into his arms in a pile of messy tears and sobs. I needed his hugs more than anything that day.. The day that reality set in after attending her visitation and hugging Kaitlin’s strong mother. That week, I showed up at school to tear-soaked faces and grievance counselors to help people get through and understand. Like you can really understand it.. I still don’t.. but I do understand that GOD IS GOOD no matter what. He attended the funeral of someone he didn’t know by my side, just so that I could have someone to lean on. He was so exhausted that he had a hard time staying awake. He is amazing.

In May, Scott came home from college for the summer. I knew he had bought a ring for me. We talked about marriage and starting a family one day. I was so irritated with him, because he hadn’t proposed to me yet. I actually yelled at him the night before he proposed. He had planned on proposing THAT NIGHT, but had forgotten the ring. (oops, but I still didn’t know this) The next day (a Sunday) we decided to go for a walk by the lake after church. This wasn’t unusual for us. We loved going for walks in Spitler Park, going to the zoo, etc. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, so I didn’t really think anything of it. I was wearing a white cotton skirt, and light pink shirt. I don’t know what he was wearing.. apparently I am incredibly self-centered. I said something about the pretty flowers (thinking back, it was totally a weed…) and I turned back around and there is my handsome man dressed up, with his knee in the dirt. Holding a beautiful ring box. He asked me to marry him. I said YES, YES, YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! and he stood up and I hugged him and kissed him. There was a random boat that happened to see the whole thing, and they started cheering and “woop”ing. It was funny. He got upset because I didn’t even get to look at the ring before I excitedly said yes. Sorry, honey, the ring is beautiful. The diamond is from one of his grandmother’s rings, an he had the setting made special. 🙂 It’s beautiful.

We went of to BBC together that August, with plans to wait THREE YEARS before saying “I do.” We went on more nature walks, saw more silly sights in the area (Precious Moment’s Chapel), and had fun. We ate a lot of Chik-Fil-A and walked around the mall. We went to Walmart, the mall, and Target. We checked out Petland and played with puppies. We were boring and huge goobers, But, we had fun and were in love. (still do and are!) We decided we didn’t want to wait another two years to get married, so we talked to my parents about getting married the following year (2008). College years are honestly a blur to me. I took 18-21 credit hours and worked A LOT!!! I was exhausted. I ended up working at David’s Bridal and was able to get a beautiful dress much, much cheaper! YAY!

Fast forward to June 13, 2008. We had a beautiful wedding at my parents’ property. They worked their rear-ends off to get everything set up perfectly. It was beautiful, perfect.. everything I could have ever dreamed. We got married in the pole-barn. Mom and dad had white lights strung throughout the rafters. There were beautiful star lanterns hanging. Calla Lillies and red roses.. It was just.. perfect. Flawless. Thank you, mom and dad! It was one of the best days of my life!! We went to Pigeon Forge, TN for our honeymoon. We drove to Folly Beach, SC so that I could see the ocean for the first time ever. My goodness, it was PERFECT. A dream…

Scott finished his schooling at BBC. I had transferred to MSU. We spent our first year of marriage in a tiny apartment close to a lot of friends. It was a blast. Then, Scott graduated and we moved to Garden City, MI to work at a church with the youth department. It was a great experience, and we got to know some really wonderful people. Then, along comes Chloe.

Oh yeah, we also got Daisy..

This sums it alllllllllllll up with her…

Now, here is my sweet, beautiful Chloe!

Fast forward a LITTLE bit of time later, and SURPRISE!!! Along comes Addison! 😀

We moved while I was 9 months pregnant to a wonderful church further north. I am not going to say where, because.. I don’t like stalkers.. Let’s just say that we didn’t move to a whole lot safer place than Detroit.. ha!

Is our life not beautiful?!?! We serve an amazing group of teenagers now. We serve at an awesome church. We are blessed. I hope that our life is filled with many more days like this…

We just celebrated 5 years of marriage. 10 years together. A crazy dog, that has since had to be put down because of kidney failure. Two BEAUTIFUL kids!! An awesome ministry. A baby that is with Jesus (I will NEVER ignore that I have 3 children..) Hopefully a couple more children, and many, many, many years more of serving God in whatever way He asks of us.

Last year, I completed my first 5K! I ran in the Warrior Dash. Now, I think I was either insane, or driven, to make my first 5K one where I had to crawl in mud, jump hurdles, climb rope ladders, swim in 10+ feet deep water, and jump over fire. Yeah.. it was intense. I remember getting to the first obstacle and wanting to turn around and call it quits. Then, I lost my shoe in the mud and had to find it, dug the mud out, and put it back on because it was the shoe with my chip on it. At that point I just wanted to sit down and cry, because I slammed my bare foot into a tree branch that was buried in mud. My foot was badly bruised for the next couple of weeks (along with the rest of my body). My pelvis was COVERED in bruises.. A week later I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant.. 6 weeks later I found out that the baby had stopped developing around 4-5 weeks gestation. You know what kept me going through all of this? Knowing that I was a St. Jude Warrior!

I raised donations for the few months before the race for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. They are amazing. Seriously, just look at their website. It costs them an absurd amount of money just to RUN the hospital, not to mention the cost of research, etc. They don’t charge the families a single cent. NOT ONE PENNY!! How amazing is that?! They operate completely off of the donations that are provided to them.

Where am I going with this? I am so glad you asked. If any of my “readers” uhh.. HI, Amy? would like to make a donation, I would totally appreciate it!! This hospital is incredible, and I hope that IF I ever need them, they will still be there for my family. I am sharing the link on this page. If ANYONE wants to share the link and help raise money for this cause, I would be so happy!! Every dollar counts, so please don’t think that your donation wouldn’t matter. Thank you so much!!!

Do you ever have those days where you just want to hold your children, and never let them go? That is how I am feeling today. I got a text message from my husband telling me that the man I asked you to pray for (Jim Luna) has been given only hours to live. Shot one to the heart. Then, there is a family that I have been praying for- Collin and Seth Lee- who had their baby at 28 or so weeks. She was a 2 pound little baby with not too many problems considering how small she was. Then, things took a turn for the worse when she was diagnosed with a deadly disease. Today, that sweet baby went into the arms of Jesus. My heart is broken for this family. Collin and I were in a lot of the same classes at BBC. I didn’t have a lot of friends at BBC because I worked 30+ hours at COX South, and took 18-21 credit hours every semester. So, I didn’t know her very well. I remember that she was kind and beautiful! That is about all I remember about most people at BBC…

Anyway, I am realizing how blessed that I am to have two beautiful healthy baby girls to hold and love on. Yes, I have a baby in heaven that I never got to meet. Carrying a baby for 12 weeks, for it to only end in good-bye was heart wrenching. I am not over it. I will never be “over” it. But, I could not imagine HOLDING your baby.. kissing and loving on your tiny precious miracle, to only get a few weeks, or days, or hours with them. Life is so short. Life is precious and fragile. Hold your babies tight. Love on them. Remember in the tough hours that at least you have them to frustrate you. Life isn’t perfect. I have my moments where I want to pull my hair out. But, I would rather be bald with my sweet girls than have perfect hair without them.

Here is the facebook page for baby Eden. Here They are setting up for people to send donations, etc. to this family to help with medical costs, etc. I am not pushing you to do so, but maybe you can leave a note of encouragement for the family. Say a quick prayer for them. I am literally sick to my stomach over the heartache she must be feeling.. I cannot imagine…

Update: Jim Luna passed away this afternoon. Please keep his family in your prayers. I also found out that my sister’s van caught on fire today. She was in it with my niece, nephew, and my niece’s friend. She opened the hood and saw flames, yelled “get out!” to the kids and was able to get them to safety. The fire burned the engine, hood, headlights, etc. I am so thankful that everyone was kept safe during this.

I apologize for the “randomocity” of my post yesterday! My brain was in far too many places to have any logical thoughts.

The girls did not like the sprinkler at first. They both cried. I unhooked the sprinkler and just sprayed them with the hose. They loved playing in the water that way. Our sprinkler is a little fierce though. It is one that is like an extension of the hose, then has all of these mini-hoses that come out and spray all over the place. They wiggle around and randomly shoot you in the eye. I know that when they are older they will love it. Right now, I think it’s just a bit much for them. I will have to find one that is a little better for their age. We all had a blast.

My hubby was super stressed out yesterday. We have taken on re-painting our youth room. On top of that, Pastor just left for a 3 week vacation. That means that Scott has to paint, mow the entire church property (which is MASSIVE), do a wedding this weekend, get ready for a possible funeral (that sounds terrible.. pray for this sweet man who is losing the battle with cancer), and do all of his normal youth work. He came home to Addison playing in the sprinkler while Chloe finally got a much-needed nap. He threw on some clothes to play in, and had more fun than the girls did. Chloe eventually had to be woken up so that she could play, too. Scott kept saying over and over again how much fun he was having. I am so thankful for the little things in life. My life really is beautiful! I am so unbelievably blessed!!

I will post some pictures later! Enjoy today! You will never get it back!

I always look forward to summer every year. I have this wonderful picture painted in my head of our family going on vacations, spending time at the beach, swimming, and just having a lot of fun. The reality of summer is that we live in Michigan. Yes, we have the beautiful lakes all around us, but they are at least an hour drive from where we live. Summer is BUSY in youth ministry. You have camp, and a lot of other summer activities. We have to take advantage of the time off of school with our “kids”. Am I the only youth pastor wife who views their teens as their own kids?! We had a young man stop and help all of the ladies get down the stairs yesterday at church. I beamed with pride, as if I was his mother. Anyway, back to summer…

Summer is nothing like the image in my head. It is HOT. We had beautiful 70 degree days for WEEKS! But, it was rainy a lot so we couldn’t really go out and play much. Now, it is hot. I hate hot. Hot makes me so grouchy. I hate being sticky and sweaty. Addi gets hot really easily, too, so we can’t play outside for very long when it’s hot. Today, though.. I am tired of my kids being robbed of summer fun. We are putting on our swimsuits and going outside to play in the sprinkler. I keep hoping we can set up our little pool to swim, but we will see. We live on church property and it would kill a 10-12 foot circle of grass. :/ Scott has a softball game tonight, so we are daddy-less again. I want the girls to look back and have awesome memories of their childhood.

Ministry is tough. I know a lot of ministry kids who leave the church because they felt their parents put the church before their family. I don’t want that for my girls. I want them to see two parents who LOVE JESUS. Who serve him wholeheartedly. I think a lot of people forget that our ministry is our own family, too. We are often expected to drop everything for others ALL THE TIME. Please don’t misunderstand me. The blessings of ministry far outweigh the downsides. However, there are many sacrifices that families like ours have to make. We make them willingly. But, I need to remember to make the family time that we do get special. Even if it’s just the girls and I because Daddy is often busy. We have lived in Michigan for 4 years.. tomorrow I think actually makes 4 years for us! WOW! Sadly, we don’t really know what there is in Michigan. We’ve been to the Detroit zoo countless times. We’ve been to port huron, Frankenmuth, outlet malls, blah, blah, blah. But, if anyone knows of anything in the state that is FREE, or really cheap, I am open to any suggestions. There are only so many “at the house” activities we can do. 😉

Chloe also got an AWESOME early birthday present from Mimi and Papa Pullen this week!! She is such a big girl! She calls me “mom” all the time, which makes me really sad. I am not old enough to be MOM, and I don’t feel like she is old enough to call me that. *sigh* I wish they could stay little forever. Ok, maybe not.. I can’t wait for the days when we can shop together and not have them stashing clothes, candy bars, and toys in the stroller. I always have to do a serious search for stolen goods before we leave ANY store. haha! Anyway, my scatter brain needs to be quiet now. Here is a picture of my big girl on her big girl bike!!!!

I don’t know if anyone actually reads this. Sometimes I get thoughts in my head that make my brain feel like it will explode, so I write them here. If you do read this, I am sorry to waste your time. ha!

If you note the current time at my house, it is around 2 AM! My children WILL NOT STAY ASLEEP! Now, I LOVE being a momma. It’s the best job I have ever had. However, this week has been really rough.

Addison is getting her “2 year” molars right now. She is a teething monster. She cries all day long, and nothing really makes her feel better. Well, now it is waking her up at night a LOT. Last night I was up with her a couple of times. Tonight, she has already been up 3 times.

Ever since we switched Chloe to the big-girl bed, she wakes up once a night. Occasionally it is more, but usually once. Sometimes she falls out of her bed. Sometimes she can’t find her binky. Sometimes she is thirsty. Sometimes she is just ornery. Tonight, she has also been up around 3 times already. She keeps saying that her leg hurts. She must be having a growth spurt. Great.. She already is squeezing into her 3T tops. Keep in mind that she has not even turned 3 yet! I am glad I have been stocking up on 4T clothes as they are on mega-clearance.

What is the point of me saying all of this? I have no idea. If you were looking for an intelligent post, you have come to the wrong place.

I have a 12-cup coffee maker. I have no interest in one that makes ONE cup of coffee. Because, really, I need more than one cup of coffee to keep up with these little ones. I just brewed a FULL POT so that I can make it through this night. I might have a permanent twitch by the end of the night, but that will just entertain the girls tomorrow morning.

I am thankful to have Swagbucks, the blog universe, and Bible studies to keep me entertained all night.. Maybe I will pass out on the couch. Maybe.

If you DO read this, please keep me in your prayers tomorrow. I have REALLY been working on being “slow to anger”, as this is my biggest struggle.. Sleep deprivation usually causes extreme irritability in me. I do not want to be that ugly person. Words can never be unsaid. I have the emotional wounds from my pre-teen and teen years of words that cut deep.. I do not want my girls to have wounds that they have to fight their whole lives to overcome. Also, send coffee. Lots of coffee. Coffee in an IV!

Have you ever laid down in bed at night only to think, “Man, I really failed today.” That has happened to me on many occasions. Last night was one of these. The morning started off great with everyone in good moods. We had an appointment early that went quickly. We ate a good, healthy breakfast. We played, went to Sam’s club, ate lunch, and took good naps. That is when it all started. The girls woke up on the wrong side of the bed/crib. G-R-O-U-C-H-Y. All three of us.

I was given a Red Lobster gift card, and this week they had a coupon to get the kids meals free with the purchase of ours. SA-weet! We decided to give Chloe yet another chance to sit in the booth next to us. Dumb. That child is going to be twenty-five and still sitting in a stupid high chair. There is only so much disciplining that you can do in public.. which is practically nothing.. If you DON’T discipline, then you are “that” parent who isn’t doing anything. If you DO, then you are “that” parent who supposedly abuses their children. Chloe was all over the place. Under the table- check. Staring at people next to us- check. Screaming- check. This child REALLY tests me… daily. Awesome waiter dude took 100 years getting our check to us. That’s how it felt anyway. I finally told Scott that I was taking her to the van because I couldn’t take it anymore. I disciplined her real good in the van. She fake-cried acting like she was horribly sorry for her behavior. She fake-coughed to attempt to cover her laughter. Where does a two-year-old get this behavior from?!?!?!??!??!?! I most certainly am not teaching her. Ugh.

From there we got extra stupid and went to the mall. My husband wears his tennis shoes daily. Every single day those things are on his feet. You wondered what that smell was? Oh, yeah, that’s his shoes. He pointed out that there is a MASSIVE hole in the toe of his shoes to me the other day. Umm… yeah.. let’s get that taken care of. We got him a new pair of shoes while the girls threw fits in the stroller. Addison is usually really good and content as long as she is being wheeled around in her chariot. I think she had enough of Chloe’s fantastic, gold star worthy behavior by this time, too. We came home and I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to climb into the van and drive away from my life. But, gas prices are $4.29, and I may need both kidneys some day..

I laid down and just thought, “Wow, that was awful!” I yelled. I lost my patience. I didn’t show grace, or the love of Jesus to my girls. What if that was the last day I ever got with them? Are those the memories I would want them to have of me? Are those the memories I would want to keep of my last day with them? So often our days are hard. They are long, and seemingly endless. I am tested DAILY by my strong-willed child… who is probably a lot like me and I just don’t want to admit it. I had to pray, tell myself I would do better today, and fall asleep in my exhausted and disappointed state while trying to forgive myself.

Today is shaping up to be a lot like yesterday. Chloe is refusing to nap, or even stay away from her door and BE QUIET during her rest time. She has woken Addison up an hour earlier than normal for her. I have an extra toddler who throws epic fits when he is told “no.” Pray that I have grace, patience, and wisdom today. I am struggling. I know I am not the only mama who feels this way. We all have these bad days. Maybe if we banded together in prayer for one another, we would have the strength to get through these days.

Some of you know that during my pregnancy with Addison, I had somewhat of a cancer scare. I kept having all sorts of heart palpitations. I wore a heart monitor for a couple of days that monitored my heart rate every second of the day. When that showed nothing, I wore a heart monitor for TWO WEEKS. I had to push a button and stay completely still if I had any heart issues. Of course, I only had one episode in those two weeks (after having several per day before these monitors). That one episode didn’t get recorded for some reason. If you move even a little bit, it doesn’t go through. Anyway, fast forward a few weeks and my sister and mom were skyping with me. My sister pointed out that my neck looked fat. Ha! Just kidding. She said that my thyroid looked weird. So, I called the doctor’s office. My mom had half of her thyroid removed because she had a growth on it. Her neck looked just like mine when she discovered this.. I go into the doctor and the nurse tells me that the last person who had all of the problems that I was having ended up having thyroid cancer. OOOooookayy.. Cue heart attack. I had to have blood work done, and sweat by the phone until the called me. All of my blood work came back just fine, and I never thought about it again.

Fast forward a couple of years. Last week I started having some problems with my neck. It was hurting the outside of my neck to talk, swallow, or move. It would feel a little better in the morning after having the rest, but by the end of the day I was popping Tylenol and wanting to cry. I called the doctor and she noticed that my thyroid looked large. Uh, ok. Yeah, but that’s how my neck always looks doesn’t it? Is it abnormal? So, she orders blood tests and an ultrasound. I got the results of my blood test the day I was going in for my ultrasound. “Your thyroid function is just fine.” Awesome, so I probably have some tumor or some horrific thing that causes my neck to look swollen. I tried to read the ultrasound tech’s face while she was doing it, and she has one heck of a poker face. Seriously.. I hate that. They called me today and the nurse kept stumbling over everything that she was saying. My heart starts pounding thinking that she is going to tell me that something is wrong. “The ultrasound did show…. that… ” WOMAN! SPIT IT OUT!!!!! “that it was normal.” UGH!! So, the moral of this story is that if you ever see me, and notice that my thyroid looks large. Keep your dirty mouth shut. 😉

God is so good. God would have been good if I found out that I had a tumor, or something worse. God is always good. My faith has been tested. I always think that cancer would never happen to me, and I honestly wasn’t thinking that I would have it. I was worried that I would have to have a cyst or something removed. Now, my mom was in some serious pain after this surgery. They literally slit her throat from one side to the other. She is a strong woman; nothing ever hurts her. When I asked how she was feeling while laying in the recovery room, her response was “It hurts. It really hurts.” My strong mother was telling me it hurts. IF I had to have this surgery, I wouldn’t be able to have my girls around me for a little bit because they wouldn’t understand why they couldn’t hug me, or poke the Frankenstein’s monster neck. Sorry, mom, but that was a freaky looking wound. She knows that. She knows that I usually can’t handle stuff like that, but I did this time. I was determined to be strong for her. haha! I am a weenie..

I have seen a few bloggers do this. I am kinda bored. So, here it goes..

1. I was born in New Mexico. Every time I have to get a new driver’s license or anything that makes me show my birth certificate, I have the employee ask if that is in the United States. Please, people, learn your geography!

2. I always dreamt of being a teacher. I used to play school with my little sister and teach her everything that I was learning. I actually was a teacher for a year, and hated it.. well, the parents. Parents think that their kids can do no wrong, and that it is the teacher’s responsibility to teach them EVERYTHING in the few hours at school.. Now, I get to teach my own children, and I am so excited!

3. I LOVE pineapple. Especially when it’s frozen. YUM!

4. Fall is my favorite season. There is just something about the crisp air, and comfy sweaters that I LOVE.

5. I used to love decorating for Christmas. My mom and dad’s house was always so beautiful. Now, our house is very small, and all of the decorations end up giving me a headache a week in. I feel like a Scrooge.

6. My husband and I have been a couple for almost 10 years. It is amazing how much we have grown from 15 and 16 year olds to 25 and 26 year olds..

7. I am growing more and more passionate about nutrition and the foods I feed my family. I wish I had studied nutrition in college.

8. Scott took me to see the ocean for the first time on our honeymoon. I think a large piece of my heart stayed there on the beach. I love it.

9. I love having girls. If I have all girls, I will be just fine with that. (not that I would be unhappy with a boy)

10. I honestly believe that I married up. My husband is one good-looking, God-fearing, loving man.

11. My favorite Disney princess is Belle. She is the only one who wasn’t chasing a prince. She loved to read.

12. My second favorite is Ariel. Why? She’s a mermaid. Enough said.

13. I am currently waiting on ultrasound results to find out if I have a tumor, cyst, or something else on my thyroid. I am trying really hard to stay calm, but for some reason am really REALLY nervous. God is in control.

14. I love coffee. Coffee with a lot of cream and sugar.

15. Sonic vanilla coke is my weakness. I never used to drink soda.. now, I can’t seem to stop. I know it’s terrible.

16. I have an almost paralyzing fear of crashing into water with my girls in the van with me. Two five-point-harness car seats and a sinking vehicle… yeah…

17. I LONG for a vacation with my husband where we can just relax and not worry about anyone else’s schedules.

18. I always cut Chloe and Addi’s PB&J sandwiches into shapes. Always.

19. I can’t stand when my toe-nail polish is chipped. I could care less about my fingers though.

20. I don’t like when people brag about all that they have done. God sees what you do in secret, and will reward you openly. Quit bragging about how “awesome” you are..

21. I am really trying to work on complaining less. Can you tell?

22. I love reading books about being a good, Godly wife and mother more than I like reading novels.

23. I feel like I don’t have any talents to offer to God. I am still working at figuring out what mine is.

24. I LOVE being a mother. Every day isn’t perfect, but I am doing what I was created to do.

25. I feel like I am failing on a daily basis. Failing at being the mom I always dreamt I would be. Failing at being the wife my husband needs. I struggle with this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and I am working so hard at overcoming it.

Thank you for wasting your time. 🙂

My husband left for a “work trip” on Sunday, immediately after church. Yes. That is Mother’s Day. Now, that is all fine and dandy. I was feeling really down this Mother’s Day because I should have had a one month old to celebrate with. Now, I know I am so blessed to have my girls, and if that is all God chooses to bless me with, I am still incredibly blessed. My parents were in town, so Sunday was fine. Monday morning they headed out. I kept the girls and myself busy all day. Cue night time.

Chloe is potty trained, but she likes the little potty chair. Well, I sit her in the potty and run out to the kitchen to put a package of chicken in the fridge so that it didn’t go bad before I got a chance to divide it and freeze it. I walk back into the bathroom 2.5 seconds later (our house is T-I-N-Y) and Addison has decided to splash Chloe’s urine (sorry) allllllllllllllll over the bathroom. I am YELLING about how that is nasty and not a toy. I start cleaning it all up. In that time Addi opened a drawer and yanked my open makeup bag out, spilling the contents all over the floor. Also busting an eye shadow all over the floor. Seriously. I start thinking about how much I miss my mom and dad, and my husband. I start crying hysterically. Chloe gets a really worried look on her face and says, “You tired, Mama? You tired?” “Yeah, baby, I am tired.” “Me blow your nose.” And, she comes over wiping my nose with a tissue. I have got to learn to hold it together in front of my girls, but maybe it is better that I am real in front of them.. Anyway, to make a long story short, Chloe stayed up until MIDNIGHT yacking at the door with her demands. (goldfish, animal crackers, a different movie, more milk, more milk again) AHHHHHH!!!

This morning she wakes up at 7:30. I didn’t fall asleep until sometime after 1 I believe. I am EXHAUSTED and feeling extremely frustrated because she HAD been sleeping in until 8 or 9 this past weekend. Once Addison gets up we load into the van and head for Target and Lowes to run a couple of errands. Chloe and Addi apparently hate each other today. They fought in the shopping carts. Chloe has to sit in the basket because NONE of the two-seater carts have working buckles. She thinks its funny to stand and jump in the basket. She also thinks it is funny to SPIT at me. I don’t think it’s funny that I have to slap her mouth to get her to stop. They refused to eat their lunch… Naptime was short for some reason..

This evening was really magical. Addi and Chloe hit each other SO MUCH that they both still had red marks all over their faces when I put them to bed. Addi would breathe, and Chloe would yell at her, so Addi would pinch her, so Chloe would hit her, so Addi hit back, so Chloe smashed a block, train track, whatever she could find into Addi’s head. Eventually all I could do was stare in amazement.. and long to go hide under the covers in bed. I keep thinking that Scott will be home tomorrow, and I can make it. But, I have two more days of this junk. If tomorrow is like today was, I will be putting the girls in the van, and driving across the world. They can’t hit each other in the van. They can’t even look at each other. Addi is so quiet and content in the van. It is magical. I moved the seat so far forward that Chloe cannot kick the back of the chair in front of her, so her annoying habit has stopped while Daddy is gone.

I have really been working on self-control. I struggle with this. I am not slow to anger as the Bible tells us we need to be. I used to be the exact opposite. I really have become a LOT better, by God’s grace, at controlling my temper. Some people like to remind me of who I WAS. I am not that person any more. And, I think the fact that all three of us are alive after a day like today shows that I have mastered it. Ok, not mastered it, but I never overreacted. I didn’t constantly text my husband about how awful his daughters were behaving and how much I was angry that he was away. I was not perfect by any means. Right now I long to chug a bottle of Nyquil and slip blissfully into a two-day coma.

I am about to start a book called “Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions” The cover has a picture of a woman with her head in a purse. I am guessing she is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs into her massive yellow purse. I’d like to borrow her yellow purse today. Today has really been a struggle. If you read this, please pray for me to have patience and know how best to respond to Chloe to get her to LISTEN. She is blatantly disobedient and I have tried everything that I know to do. I read a lot about what I could possibly do with her. I tell her WHY she can’t do something. That works better than just telling her not to do it. I know that today is a result of daddy being gone since Sunday, and she just doesn’t fully know how to vocalize her emotions. There is no excuse for the level of disobedience that she portrayed today though. Addison’s level was completely understandable.

Sorry for ranting. I just really needed to get it off my chest so that when Scott calls I don’t blow up in his ear. Pray that he has a safe trip home on Thursday.