I had my first OB visit yesterday since getting out of the hospital. It was at my new high-risk clinic. Everything is new. I found out that I have to go twice a week until I deliver for Non-Stress Tests to monitor the baby. Every Monday and Thursday I will be hooked up to monitors and get to listen to the swish swish of her little heart beating (or the sound of her hiccups!). I will be seeing the OB every Wednesday until July when their schedules will change. Either way, it is once a week from here on out. I also will be seeing my neurologist in two weeks. I am going to be set up with a cardiologist to look into the hole in my heart further. I also have to go to Maternal Fetal Medicine just to check everything out and make sure that there is nothing being missed.

That said, I am so grateful for the man I have beside me for this ride. Scott has been such a source of strength and comfort through this all. He has to drive me everywhere now.. If you can’t do math that is at least 3, a lot of weeks 4, appointments EVERY SINGLE WEEK. He has a job. He works.. Thankfully, he is a youth pastor and works under a great man who is very flexible, but he still has to get his work done. I have broken down into tears countless times already. I don’t know how he isn’t losing his mind putting up with me.

I had to do a “24 hour urine”.. which just is really glamorous.. while in the hospital. Apparently my protein level was elevated, so I am repeating that all day today. Tomorrow I get to go for a blood draw and to turn in my really pretty jugs of.. well, urine.. They gave me cups to stick in my purse in case I have to go anywhere today and need to use the restroom. Uh… I think they need a super sized cup for a pregnant woman who is forcing herself to drink 10 glasses of water/tea a day.. No more dehydration for me!! I learned my lesson.

it is still scary to not know what caused the seizure. I know that God is in control. He wasn’t surprised by me collapsing and squashing poor Addison. None of this is a surprise to Him, so I am TRYING to rest in that. I fear it happening again with no one around. I am planning to teach Chloe how to dial Scott on my cell phone in case if it happens again. Both girls know that I “passded” out, so they will know what I am talking about. I would rather teach them to dial Scott than to dial 9-1-1 in case if I were to fall asleep (this medicine.. it’s killer) or something. I don’t want them to panic Scott, but I have to do something to make sure that they are safe, and the baby is safe. I don’t care at all about me other than that I am housing and supposed to be protecting my unborn child. The girls have handled it all very well, and I am so grateful that they have not been scarred for life by all of this.

This is very personal, but I really would like the extra prayers for us. Because of the severity of all of this, we are really praying about whether or not we need have our three babies on earth, and no more. I have never EVER wanted to make a permanent decision at my age, because I am still so young and my passion for motherhood is intense. I always have wanted a larger family. We have always said we want four kids. Now, I do have four kids, because I have a sweet baby in heaven, but I have wanted four here on earth with me. I am aware that any other pregnancy will be considered high risk as well. Each pregnancy has been more and more difficult on me, and this one obviously has been the hardest. Please pray that Scott and I can have wisdom and make the decision that God wants for us. I don’t want to make it out of fear, but I have to be realistic. This situation could be so much worse, but it is bad. I can’t pretend that it is really “not that bad”, because it is bad. The baby was safe this time, but if it happens again, she could be hurt. If I end up having pre-eclampsia or eclampsia, I will have a baby much earlier than expected. She will have a long journey ahead of her. Thankfully we are at the point where she wouldn’t require a ton of extra medical attention, but really any NICU stay is a scary one.

Please just keep praying for all of this. Pray that I can have patience with it all as I am feeling very frustrated and useless. No one will let me do anything now, and it is frustrating to me. Pray that Scott continues to have patience with me, as I feel like a crazy pregnant woman crying all of the time. Pray that our parents can all have peace, as they are all worried about all of this. Pray that they have safety as they travel back and forth to help out as much as they can. Pray and thank the Lord for these amazing people in my life…. I am just so overwhelmed by the love and support that I have all around me. I am so blessed even in a scary time!

How far along? 31 weeks.. I have to say that I am so thankful to reach this point. There was talk of eclampsia, which ends in a c-section.. I was so afraid..

Baby’s size: according to the ultrasound she is 3 pounds 8 ounces

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: My anti-seizure meds are making me sleep like a rock.

Worst moment this week: That would definitely be having a seizure, spending 3 days in a hospital, and having every major test done… I keep breaking down into tears because I feel guilty that Scott has to drive me all over the place. I have several doctor’s appointments, and he has to take me. He has to go to the grocery store with me.. everywhere.. I feel like such an inconvenience. (He keeps telling me to stop apologizing and not to worry.. that we will make it work.. just so no one thinks he is being mean about it.)

Best moment this week: Being just fine after all of the bad that happened.

Miss anything? I am already going crazy just knowing that I can’t drive anywhere.. Seriously.. 6 MONTHS.. November is a long time away…

Movement: loads and loads of movements.. thank you, Jesus!

Food cravings: ice cream. 🙂

Anything making you queasy or sick: heartburn.. as usual…

Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: I am still having lots of Braxton hicks

Belly button in or out? still mostly out

Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or moody most of the time: I feel crazy.. just really emotional.

Looking forward to: Decorating the nursery. The room should be done this week!!!

I just can’t stop thinking about how blessed I am. I am an emotional person as it is, but then throw in crazy pregnancy hormones, and crazy events, and I am a mess.

My husband kept his cool and knew exactly what to do when I had a freak seizure. My parents left work and went home and packed their bags so that they could come if needed. As soon as they found out I would be admitted, they drove ALL night and showed up at the hospital. (I was feeling really lonely. Scott had to leave to take care of the girls, and I cried when he left the hospital.) They stayed the entire night with me. If I had not been put on the labor and delivery floor, they would not have been able to come that night. My mom dozed off for a very short while, and my dad got a slightly longer nap in, but not at the same time. As soon as they knew that Scott was up with the girls, they left the hospital to trade places with him. After getting practically no sleep all night, they spent the entire day taking care of Chloe and Addison. They let Scott stay at the hospital with me all day, and even came back to visit me before going to their hotel to finally go to bed.

My mom went to the store and bought some food for us (Friday was supposed to be our grocery day, so our freezer was pretty bare.) I came home to pictures hung all over the house and other decorations for my birthday. There was a huge bouquet of flowers on the table with a happy birthday balloon.

My mother-in-law is heading out this way tomorrow. She is going to stay for at least the whole week. She is going to go to the mother/daughter banquet on Saturday with me.

I just don’t know what I did to deserve such blessings. Yes, it is a crummy situation.. I can’t drive until the middle of November, I have a hole in my heart, and I have to take two horse pills twice a day to prevent another seizure from happening. It all could have been so much worse though. I am just so grateful.. my heart is full and overwhelmed by how good God is.

I appreciate all of the prayers for me, but also pray for special blessings to be poured out on all of the people who have shown such selflessness and kindness through all of this.

I don’t fully know how to digest what has happened over the past couple of days. I will start by saying that the baby is fine, and I am ultimately fine. Thursday afternoon I was outside playing with the girls. I always get these weird dizzy spells. I can feel them coming on, know to just breathe, and they pass without me ever fainting, losing consciousness, or even falling down. I just stand, sit, whatever I am doing.. and deal.. Well, evidently this time I should have sat down. Scott happened to be at our house mowing the lawn because it was finally a sunny day that dried up some of the moisture. I had been standing next to the Little Tykes slide and was holding on because I knew I was dizzy. Scott said he noticed me leaning on it and thought I was pushing it towards Addi to tease her. Then, he thought, “Is she really just going to push that all of the way over onto Addi?!” I did, causing Addi to cry because she was mad. He said that I kind of slid down the side of this slide (no, not the slide itself.. the SIDE OF IT) and then started convulsing. He ran over to me and laid me on my side. I stopped convulsing and apparently my eyes were rolled back into my head and I was sort of struggling to breathe. He called 9-1-1.

The next thing I kind of remember is a man next to me saying something about if I knew where I was. I kept nodding, I think, but I couldn’t actually answer where I was or any of his questions. I only remember little snippets. I somehow ended up on a stretcher and saw Pastor’s son in between our houses playing with my daughters. I saw Pastor walking towards the house. I remember telling Scott to call my parents and tell them. (Tell them what, Ashley?!) The next thing I remember is a rubber band being tied around my arm. I thought he was trying to draw blood so I told him that they have to go through my hand usually. I was wrong, he was starting an IV, and did it through my hand. I had a heart monitor on, which I don’t know how that happened. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was leaving my kids behind and had no idea who was taking care of them, or what had happened. I said “ARE MY KIDS OK?!” He said, “Yes, they are fine. They are beautiful.” Smart fella. 😉 I don’t remember much other than being told I would probably end up at some hospital with a great NICU area. Now that I am processing, that is scary to hear!! The next thing I remember is someone telling me that they had to take off my bra and a couple of other people holding a gown in front of me. I have no idea how my shirts got off… I faintly remember climbing from the stretcher to the bed. Scott finally showed up and kinda told me what happened. There was so much commotion. I started feeling the baby move like crazy and knew she must be ok. They were trying to tell me what all was going to happen, and that I was going to be admitted to the hospital.

A long ER wait, and I finally get into a room around 9 PM or so. I was told that I was on bed rest for my hospital stay. I had a magnificent nurse. My IV was hurting my hand so bad that I actually asked her if she could move it. If you know me at all, that is HUGE. Apparently they used a HUGE needle on the ambulance. gross…. anyway… My parents had pretty much gone home and packed as soon as Scott called, so they showed up sometime late at night. They stayed up all night with me. Well, my mom did. My dad dozed off in the chair for an hour or so. Mom finally dozed off in the morning for a VERY short time.. which was when they came at 4:30 AM to take me on my second ambulance ride. They don’t do the MRI in the hospital, they drive you via ambulance across the parking lot to get it done. The guys get me on the stretcher and one of them says “now its time for the party” I kinda laugh and then am rocket launched into the air.. or at least it felt that way. They picked me up so fast and high it was crazy. I go inside a tiny, loud tube and my left leg twitches the WHOLE TIME. So much for staying still… When I get out a different EMT team shows up to take me back. Ironically it was the same guy who brought me to the hospital. Apparently I was his last stop of the last shift, and the first stop of his current shift. He was so nice and I told him I was much more with it this time. He said “ahh.. you weren’t that bad..” ha! Right.. I know who I am this time. 😉

I get back to my room and my dad asks the EMT some questions about what happens. He answers and goes on his merry way. More doctors filter in and out. Around 7:30 my parents left so that Scott could come sit with me. He showed up as they were starting my EEG. They asked him to wait outside, so he went and ate breakfast. I text him when they were done. He kisses me (I love that man) and pulls a chair right next to me. He goes “What did you do all night” (I only got a 45 minute nap) and more doctors walk in. I said “this!”. I don’t remember which group it was… I don’t remember a whole lot of Friday. It was a LOT of tests and doctors offering theories. Scott left to relieve my parents, and they come back to sit with me for a little while. They left around 10 or 10:30. At around 11 the neurologist finally comes in. He says he is going to start me on an anti-seizure medication just to be safe, and that I am not allowed to drive for at least 6 months. After I get my medicine and some TUMS, I finally am able to go to sleep a little before midnight… but wishing I could have gone home. They had finally unhooked me from most of the machines. I had been hooked up to compression things on my legs to prevent blood clots, my heart monitor, pulse ox monitor, the monitors for the baby, and my IV. I was unhooked from all buy my heart monitor. I didn’t want to wait for a nurse to come around 3 when I woke up, so I walked to the bathroom alone. (WOW, THE FREEDOM!). I went back to sleep and slept until around 6. I meet my new (AWESOME) nurse. Someone had brought my breakfast to me, so she said she would let me eat and then hook me back up to the monitors for the baby. A doctor comes in and tells me that she really thinks that it was just dehydration (I was SEVERELY dehydrated when they got me.. I had to get electrolytes and potassium along with the IV fluids). She opens my Echo results and tells me that I have a hole in my heart. It is completely unrelated to the seizures, or so-called seizures, but I may need it to be patched because it is a stroke risk. hooray. Then, she finds the EEG results and finds out that I did in fact have a seizure.

The neurologist came in a while later and tells me that he is going to up my dose of medicine since it was a seizure. I also have to follow up with him in 4 weeks, and that I MUST NOT DRIVE for AT LEAST 6 months). Then, an actual OB doctor comes in. He says that I am now going to have to see their high risk clinic. Happy Birthday, here is some terrifying and annoying news.

To recap: I had a seizure, rode in an ambulance, HAVE TO DRINK MORE, have a hole in my heart, am a high-risk pregnancy patient, and have to make a hundred doctors appointments that I cannot drive to… and.. GOD IS GOOD!!

He protected me from so much. If I hadn’t been by that slide, I would have fallen hard and hurt myself and/or the baby. If Scott hadn’t seen I would have just laid there unconscious without anyone around but the girls (who could have run off and ended up hurt). The baby is fine. I should be just fine.. I am fine.. I got to visit with my parents, even though the circumstances aren’t good, I love to see them.

If I think of more, I will try to update or fix this. I know that family and friends want to know what happened, and I am still trying to piece it all together.

How far along? 30 weeks

Baby’s size: around 3 pounds still (brain growth is happening more than physical this week, from what I read)

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: still waking up early, but super grateful!

Worst moment this week: My feet have been getting really sore lately and I feel like I am getting a cold again. :p

Best moment this week: The baby started shoving her knees or elbows out while Chloe was close by. I asked her if she wanted to feel her baby sister. I put her hand on my belly and asked if she could feel it. She said that she could and looked a little confused. Either way, it was really awesome to know that Chloe got to feel her baby sister. 🙂

Miss anything? Normal clothes.. that is so vain, but I am already tired of maternity clothes.. they are not attractive at all unless you have absurd amounts of money to spend.

Movement: Lots of movement and HICCUPS!!!!

Food cravings: I really want chips and salsa, but heartburn.. Oh, heartburn!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Heartburn and coughing a lot..

Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: I am hoping that all of these Braxton hicks mean that labor will go much more quickly this time than previous labors.

Belly button in or out? still mostly out.. so funny

Wedding rings on or off? on

Happy or moody most of the time: Mostly happy

Looking forward to: seeing this baby.. I am so anxious to hold and cuddle this sweet little miracle!!!!

I am almost a week late with this post. We have had a crazy, busy May already!

How far along? 29 weeks

Baby’s size: 3 pounds

Total weight gain: too much.. in fact.. I am removing this question because it’s depressing. My doctor assures me that I am just fine, but.. no..

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: I had to wake up much earlier than usual all week, and will be for the rest of the month because THE BASEMENT IS BEING REMODELED!!

Worst moment this week: Addi had a dentist appt. and we misplaced her social security card (which they needed to look up her insurance). I called to reschedule and the dumb card was found 10 minutes later.

Best moment this week: The baby’s room and closet both have all of the walls put up. Our new bathroom also has all of the walls and plumbing done. The shower, vanity, and toilet are all bought and awaiting installation. Soon I will be painting, the ceiling and floors will be done and then I can set up baby girl’s room and start dreaming of the day she is sleeping in there!! <3 Miss anything? not getting heartburn from EVERYTHING that I eat. Movement: still a lot of movement. She is a strong little booger. Food cravings: nothing really.. Anything making you queasy or sick: Heartburn is awful and I felt nauseous all week. The nausea could be from the construction happening all day and having things at the church every evening until super late. Gender: GIRL Labor signs: I feel Braxton hicks all the time still. :/ Belly button in or out? mostly out I think.. Wedding rings on or off? On… my hands are starting to swell so I am wondering how much longer. Happy or moody most of the time: A little bit of both. I have been trying to relax about my house being a mess because it is a huge blessing to have all of this going on. But, the business of the week made me feel cranky. Looking forward to: painting.. I feel like once I paint it will be no time until everything else gets set up! 😀

How far along? 28 weeks

Baby’s size: 2 1/4 pounds(ish)

Total weight gain: 20+

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: not so great

Worst moment this week: Chloe fell and knocked a tooth loose. It was a bloody mess, and frightened me a little bit. Thankfully, her mouth is fine, and she can eat most everything again (except a whole apple).

Best moment this week: So many.. My in-laws came into town for Easter weekend. I love having company! Also, I found out that they are going to probably put a fence up around part of our yard so that I don’t have to worry about the girls running into the parking lot anymore. I was not at all expecting that! PLUS, the “men” have been talked to about finishing up our basement and the bathroom is going to probably get done along with the baby’s room. How exciting to not have to hike the scary basement steps in the middle of the night to use the bathroom?!?!

Miss anything? sleeping on my stomach.. I really want to lay on my stomach!

Movement: A lot of big elbow/knee jabs 😀

Food cravings: Everything has still been sounding unappetizing, but I really want some cake batter ice cream!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Heartburn is still not my friend!

Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: LOTS of Braxton hicks lately..

Belly button in or out? half in/half out

Wedding rings on or off? On… though with the warm temperatures my hands started swelling a lot.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy. We have had beautiful weather, and my husband had a long weekend.

Looking forward to: The baby’s room getting started and knowing that I will be able to set it all up soon, wash all of the baby clothes, and sit in there and dream of what she will look like!

How far along? 27 weeks

Baby’s size: 2 pounds(ish)

Total weight gain: around 20 pounds.. absurd.

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: not so great

Worst moment this week: Looking out the window this morning to see SNOW covering the ground..

Best moment this week: Last night we got to go out with Pastor and Marilyn to a MBBF dinner at Golden Corral. It was so nice to get to fellowship and relax a little. Plus they had a CARMEL fountain!!!! Also, I think that we are finally settling on a name for baby girl!

Miss anything? unlimited iced coffees and my hands not going numb every night!

Movement: She must be getting more crowded because her wiggles seem to be slower.

Food cravings: Nothing.. everything sounds gross. That is so annoying! haha!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Heartburn is brutal!

Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: nah

Belly button in or out? still half and half.. Chloe informed me that my belly button has a belly button.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Moody.. The girls are finally over their sickness, so we could actually get out of the house, but it has been yucky outside. :/

Looking forward to: Getting that stinkin’ baby’s room done. I have been cleaning it out so that there are no excuses.. Hello backache!!

This is the view that our baby is going to have when laying in her crib if SOMETHING doesn’t get going!!

The 26 week belly.. I feel gigantic, and look how I have been feeling lately!

How far along? 26 weeks

Baby is the size of: 1 2/3 pounds

Total weight gain: too much.. I have been gaining a POUND A WEEK!! I don’t even eat enough, so how is that possible?!?!?!

Maternity clothes? Yes

Sleep: same

Worst moment this week: I downed a ton of fresh pineapple right before bed last night and OH, the heartburn. Never, ever, ever again!!!! Also, both girls are sick. Mommy is sick. We are worn down… well, I am. In the words of the doctor- we have the “Happiest sick kids ever” AND THEY NEVER SLOW DOWN!

Best moment this week: We had a really awesome family weekend. We hung out and played as a family. We went to the big outlet mall and walked around for HOURS. The girls had a blast and both went right to sleep that night.

Miss anything? iced coffee.. a hundred iced coffees a day sound fabulous!

Movement: A lot of movement and its all REALLY low and a little painful at times. It’s too early for that, baby girl.

Food cravings: it had been fresh pineapple! ha!

Anything making you queasy or sick: This virus is still kicking my booty, and heartburn kept me awake for HOURS last night.

Gender: GIRL

Labor signs: Already feeling Braxton hicks, especially when I walk a lot. yikes!

Belly button in or out? still half and half

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: I am feeling cranky the past couple of days. I don’t like it.

Looking forward to: nursery.. iced coffee.. green grass and flowers..

What’s your name?
My name is Addi!

How old are you?
I’m Addi.

What’s your favorite thing to do?
I do my shoes

What is your favorite book?
My favorite book is a octopus book.

What is your favorite animal?
My favorite animal is a little whale.

What do you like to watch on TV?
I dunno

What is your favorite song?
My favorite song my friend Sean..

What does daddy do at work?
Daddy go to work. Daddy go out.

What do you want for your birthday?
I dunno

What’s your favorite color?
My favorite cwowor is purple

Where is your favorite place to go?
I dunno Mommy.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I grow up.

Who is your favorite person?
Purse

What is your favorite toy?
My favorite toy is purple just like a pens.

What makes you happy?
Make me happy a song make me happy.

What scares you?
spiders

When you get sick what makes you feel better?
My sick is I neeze

What do you think we should name the baby?
I dunno.. Baby Grass

What is your favorite drink?
My favorite drink is my favorite baby

Who is your favorite princess?
My favorite princess is Chloe.

What is something that mommy always says to you?
I dunno.

How old is mommy?
Mommy, you purple

How old is daddy?
Daddy’s green and I purple.

What did you do today?
Don’t scare me.

What is love?
I dunno.

What do you like to wear?
purple shirt. I love to jump.

What is your favorite thing to do in the summer?
I dunno

What is daddy’s favorite food?
Daddy’s favorite food…. is chicken

What do you know about Jesus?
Jesus is a baby.

What do you like to go shopping for?
I pick some food and a cereal bar and where my guraffe? My big guraffe.

What is something you like to eat?
I dunno.

Are you excited to get a baby sister?
Yes!

Where is your baby sister?
Right there (goes across room and gets a baby doll)

What else should we tell people about you?
I dunno, Mommy. I fine. And this is Thomas to talk!