I read a lot of blogs. It’s how I pretend that I have real friends. HA! Anyway, one of the blogs I read was her announcing her fourth born child. Her baby girl is beautiful. At the end she says, “I feel so happy and complete.” Complete. I was always told that I would KNOW when I was done having kids. That our family would just feel complete.

I am not having any more children. This body has had a permanent “fix” for that… I don’t feel anywhere near complete. I am wondering if this feeling is ever going to go away. I love my three girls. They are beautiful and wonderful, but I don’t feel as though our family is complete. I am thankful that God has allowed me to have the children that I do have. But, I can’t stop this feeling of a downward spiral.. this complete and utter sadness over having to stop. Is there a word that is more “sad” than sadness? That’s how I feel. I feel like I am sinking in quicksand.

I am so desperate to snap out of whatever this is. It is the holidays. I am usually chomping at the bit to set up the Christmas tree in July.. I am typically watching Christmas movies and singing Christmas carols by now. I am not even looking forward to Thanksgiving.. I dread having to set up our tree and put out all of the beautiful decorations. I dread getting out of bed in the morning.. I want to just stay snuggled in bed with Harper.. the one who still appreciates what I do.

If you are reading this and thinking about how terrible I sound.. just keep it to yourself. Your words couldn’t possibly be worse than what I tell myself on a daily basis.

Please just pray for me. Pray that peace will come.. that I will feel like our family IS complete. I can’t take this broken hearted feeling much more.

Some days, it all comes down to perspective.

Yesterday, I went to see my neurologist. I was chastised by him for not consistently taking my medication twice I day. I always take it at night but forget in the morning.. or just skip it because I knew that insurance was going to change and not cover it soon. I have been fine taking it just once. He said that he cannot release me because I am not following his orders and am putting myself at risk of having another seizure. I have to have a sleep-deprived EEG also before he will even consider releasing me to drive. My insurance has switched around since having Harper, creating a whole other mess to sort out before I can even begin to get these tests and follow-up appointments done. Insurance doesn’t cover ANY of my medication anymore, and all of the other drugs have too many risks for breast-feeding and side effects. I left his office, got in the van with Scott, and cried. It was just too much thrown on me at once. I also have this looming lump in my breast that still has not gone away. If it is still present when I finish breast-feeding, I will have to have it removed… which freaks me out only because of surgery. I don’t think that it will be a cancer issue.

Then, I called my mom. My beautiful, strong mom. I told her how my appointment went. My aunt was diagnosed with lymphoma several weeks ago. It is all throughout her body. If she doesn’t start treatment NOW, it could consume her body and take her life within weeks. Her insurance has also been messed up, and she cannot afford to do what she needs to do right now.. Perspective. My mom apologized saying that she was sorry that my appointment didn’t go the way I had planned. I told her that it didn’t matter anymore.. I am not dealing with cancer. My life is not at stake…

Can I just say that I am glad that God is not limited by doctor’s opinions. My aunt is currently treatable, but all they hope for is remission. My heart breaks for her, the granddaughter she has custody of, my grandparents, and all of my aunt’s siblings. God CAN heal her body miraculously. I pray that he does. I know that He may choose not to. He will have His reasons. He is good no matter what the outcome of it all is.

Please be in prayer for my family. This news is difficult to hear. Pray that God will be glorified through all that comes to pass; no matter what that may be.

Yesterday was an extremely emotional day for me. My husband was at work all day yesterday. The girls were all pretty quiet, and I was left reflecting on all that has happened this year. It has felt like bad news on top of bad news. I spent a lot of yesterday in tears. Some were hot tears from the emotional heartache of it all. Some were tears of joy because of all of the good that God has done for me; which far outweighs the bad.

This is probably going to seem really silly. Maybe. But then again, maybe not.

I entered this contest a few days ago. Sarah Mae wrote this book called “Desperate”. I read it a year or so ago. It is incredible. If you are a mother, you need to go buy and read it. It is so encouraging and uplifting. Anyway, the contest ended last night. I figured I probably wouldn’t win, so I never went back to check. I never win anything. Well, I won a baton when I was 10… sixteen years ago… This morning, she shared on her facebook to go and see if “you” won. I have never wanted to win a contest so much, so I went anyway. The first name on this list is “Ashley P.” I freak out and check my e-mail. Nothing. I feel so disappointed. But, then I scrolled all the way to the bottom.. where I read that ASHLEY PULLEN is the winner. Whaaat?! Ashley Pullen is a hyperlink, so I click on it, and am taken to MY facebook page. HOT DOG!!

I still am freaking out that I still haven’t received an e-mail. I start going through my SPAM folder. I start thinking about how I am going to miss out because I must have messed up my e-mail or something.. I am such a pessimist. I should really work on that.

I posted on a buy, sell, trade site wanting to sell something. Later in the day I decided to check my “other” folder to see if anyone was interested in it.

There, waiting in my “other” messages folder is a message from Sarah herself asking me to e-mail her!!!!!!!!!!! Good grief! I am such a dork. Seriously. If you know me at all, then you are fully aware of this FACT.

This year has felt like a storm. There are occasionally breaks from the thunder and lightening. Today, after something that seems as silly as winning a contest, I feel like a huge rainbow is painted in the sky just for me. I won a lot of really beautiful items that I can’t wait to decorate my home, ears, and purse with. But, I also won a lot of incredible books that I can read to encourage me!! I also get the opportunity to encourage other mommas by starting a book club for my FAVORITE book about being a momma! I can’t wait!!

Six months ago today, my life was forever changed. I started the day out great. Our baby’s room was almost complete! It was a warm and sunny day outside. I took my two girls outside to play, and also carried a huge drink outside with me. I left my drink on the deck, and walked onto the grass to play with the girls. They were being silly and playing on the miniature Little Tykes slide. I was standing next to it laughing with them. All of the sudden I started feeling weird. I have had these spells as long as I can remember, but they happen A LOT in pregnancy. I hear a ringing in my ears and then everything starts to go black. I always beg God to make it stop, because it is really frightening. This time seemed no different.

I grabbed onto the side of the slide to steady myself praying, “God, please make this go away. Please.” The next thing I know I open my eyes. I see the deck and a blue sky. There is also a blurry face right next to mine. “Ashley. Ashley, do you know where you are.” I just kept nodding my head. “Where are you?” I couldn’t answer. I had no idea what was going on. “Can you tell me your name?” Yes. “Ashley.” The next thing I remember is being lifted onto a gurney by two men. They buckle all of these buckles. Then, I am wheeled between our house and Pastor’s house. I see my girls playing soccer with our Pastor’s son. They are smiling. None of this registered with me until later.

In the ambulance I hear Scott telling them that he is going to follow behind in our vehicle. “I love you, Ash. It’s going to be ok.” I tell him to call my parents. I didn’t even know what was going on, but somehow I knew that they needed to know. They close all of the doors and away we go. The EMT sitting next to me was so nice. I asked him if my girls were ok. He says, “They are just fine. They are so cute!” He starts trying to find veins in my arms. I tell him that they have been having to use my hand lately. I thought I was getting my blood drawn. Next thing I know, I have an IV in my hand. Suddenly it dawns on me that I am in the back of an ambulance. “WAIT! WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?” I say in a panic. He calmly tells me that it looks like I have had a seizure. “Oh, okay.” and I relax again. “Do you feel the baby moving?” Thump. “Yes” I say with a smile.

We get to the hospital and I am put in a triage room in the ER. Doctors and nurses are coming in. A nurse tells me that I need to remove my shirt and bra. I am so confused that she removes it all while another nurse holds a gown in front of me. Scott arrives. You can see the concern on his face. The nurse comes back and tells me that they need a urine sample, but that she does not want me to go alone. Scott has to come with me. He holds me up as I stumble to the bathroom. I make him face the wall, because this is humiliating to me.

A doctor comes in my triage room. He tells me that they are going to admit me to the hospital to run tests and observe the baby, and that I was SEVERELY dehydrated. “We need to know if you actually had a seizure. If you did, we need to know whether it was random, or eclampsia. If it is eclampsia we need to take the baby to protect her.” I smile and nod… and more confusion sets in for me. It is amazing how your brain is just completely scrambled after a seizure. It almost feels out of body, and then you are occasionally thrown back into your body to process what has happened to you, but then thrown back out of your body before you can completely figure it out.

It took hours for them to get a room for me. I was put in the labor and delivery area, because that is where a woman with a 30 week pregnancy needs to be. All of my greatest fears start crashing in. The pregnancy before this ended at almost 12 weeks. An acquaintance from high school had pre-eclampsia and her baby had to be taken early. After a few weeks of a fairly healthy, but tiny and fragile, life, it suddenly ended. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to my yet-to-be-born baby. I didn’t want to go home to her almost completed room and have it remain empty. Please, God.

Scott eventually headed home to get the girls in bed and relieve our Pastor’s wife, who came home from work and watched the girls for us. I cried. I didn’t want to be alone. My parents showed up some time around 11 PM. I was so thankful to have some company. The doctors ran every big tests that I can think of. An EKG, ECHO, EEG, MRI.. so many tests on no sleep. All of them keep saying that they think that what happened was just because of dehydration. This really upset Scott. “I know what I saw. That was not just dehydration.” I don’t know what he saw. I don’t really want to know, because my heart breaks for him having to witness that.

The next day we finally get some results of the test. A resident tells me that I have a hole in my heart; a PFO. I was born with it, and will need to get more testing done to be sure that it is not big enough to need repaired. Great. The neurologist tells me that I did in fact have a seizure. They are going to put me on something that I need to take twice a day to prevent another seizure. Another seizure could cause me to go into labor too early, or potentially kill the baby. The baby is developed enough that the medication is safe to take.

The next day was Saturday; my birthday. They tell me that I will be discharged. I am handed what feels like a massive packet of discharge instructions. I am now a high-risk pregnancy. I have to see my OB once a week, and get non-stress tests done twice a week. I also have to follow up with a cardiologist and my neurologist. Also, I am no longer allowed to drive. “At least six months.”

A half a year ago today, our lives changed forever. My husband had to drive me everywhere. I had to sit hooked up to machines twice a week to make sure that our baby was still doing ok. Several times I had to have additional ultrasounds because her behavior was scary. Once I had to go to Labor and Delivery because her behavior was REALLY scary and they thought she was in distress.

A half a year ago today, my life was altered. A half a year ago today, my faith in God was tested. A half a year ago today, my faith in God GREW. A half a year ago today, I had the choice to let what happened to me- to us- make me bitter, or to let it make me better. I think that I honestly have bounced back and forth between the two. I sometimes feel bitter. At the beginning of the year, I was healthy. I had to use an inhaler before exercising, but that was it. Now, in November I have a hole in my heart, an undiagnosed seizure disorder, I fell down the stairs while pregnant, I had a breast cancer scare, I had to make the hard decision to no longer be able to have any more biological children, my aunt has been diagnosed with cancer, my grandparents are in failing health, and I was terrified for my baby’s life on more than one occasion. I have asked “Why me?” a few times. I have sat crumpled up in tears wondering why things just kept piling on top of me.

Sometimes though, probably most of the time, I am better. I KNOW that God won’t let me down. Even if things had turned out differently, He would still have been in every situation. I don’t always understand what He is doing, but I know that He is good and that is good enough for me. I have this beautiful miracle sleeping in a swing next to me. I have two other miracles whose smiles light up a room. I am thankful that the pregnancies with them never had these problems, because I had those strange spells in every one of them, and the doctors could never figure out what caused them. When they finally turned into a full-blown seizure, God protected me. He placed Scott behind a lawn mower facing me at a time when he typically would have been in his office. He placed me next to a slide that my body slowly fell onto and slid off of, instead of me plummeting to the ground belly first. He placed a neighbor next to us that was able to quickly get my girls away from the situation, so that they would not be afraid of all that was happening. He kept Harper safely inside of my belly until she was completely developed and strong. He was IN IT ALL. I never once have doubted his goodness.

It is hard to believe that it has been half of a year. Sometimes it feels like it was so recent, and other times it feels like it has been an eternity. On Monday, I will go see my neurologist, and he will fill out a five page form that clears me to drive. Or, he may say that I have to wait longer. I have had a few of those strange spells in recent weeks. I do not know if he will do another EEG before clearing me, or what is going to happen. I do know that God is in it all.

Happy Halloween!! Today has been a rough one in our household. I am not here to dwell on that, however. I figured out the up-side to this dairy allergy. Halloween candy did not control me today! I usually have self-control when it comes to candy. I am not a huge candy eater under normal circumstances, but Halloween usually gets me.

And just for the heck of it, here is a picture of my little Elsa and Anna.

I am not into doing what is super-trendy. I find it annoying to be like everyone else. So, the fact that every other little girl is dressed like this sort of annoys me. However, I also 100% believe in letting my girls choose who or what they want to be for Halloween.. and letting their individuality show. These girls literally will act out entire scenes from the movie. It’s crazy. A couple of nights ago I heard them in their bedroom “WHEEE THIS IS SO FUN!” “Slow down, Anna” and on and on and on it goes.

My “middle child” turned THREE on Monday. Once again, where has the time gone?!

I still remember the day that she came into this world. She was only 8 pounds, 6 ounces; 21 inches long. She had such long, dark hair, and it was beautiful. I thought that she was so tiny and perfect.

She is still perfect in my eyes, but sure does give me a run for my money!

Here is my baby girl after she was born. Look at all of that hair!!!

First Birthday

Second Birthday

Third Birthday

This little girl.. Where do I even start with her. She is a huge animal lover. She loves looking at pictures of animals and pretending to be them. She is very into horses especially right now. She is LOUD. Goodness this child is loud. She has this shrill screech/scream thing that she likes to do, and she thinks it’s hilarious. She is wild and spunky and not afraid to tell you like it is. She will tell you to leave her alone if she doesn’t want to be bothered. She refuses to believe that her name is Addison since we have called her Addi for so long. And, don’t you dare try to throw the middle name in the mix. It will all be over for you! haha!

But, she is the most tender-hearted little girl I have ever seen. Her feelings get hurt very easily. She cried during a move once because a character got hurt. I had to comfort her until she saw that he was ok. She gives the best bear hugs. She loves being a big sister. Every morning that I bring Harper upstairs, I will lay her on a blanket on the floor to get her diaper changed. Addi is immediately by my side ready to help or just give hugs and kisses. She loves to pretend to be a doctor and always wants to kiss boo-boos for everyone. She is super funny and has a wild imagination. She is such a problem-solver and will produce pretend screw drivers, boxes, etc. whenever they are needed.

I could go on and on about my kids for days, so I will stop with the biggest parts of her huge personality.

Addi, you are a huge blessing to your family. You are so sweet and kind. You have enough personality to fill the room, and I hope that you never lose that. We love you so much, little one!!

Goodness, where does the time go?! My baby girl is over three months old. Wasn’t she just born yesterday?

Here come the pictures…

Above is newborn, 1 month, and 2 months. That 2 month picture cracks me up. She was trying to giggle, but just couldn’t figure it out.

Here is Harper at 3 months. Her cat hat is crooked, so it looks like we made her some dark unicorn or something. I promise that she is a cute kitty and not the unicorn of death!!

She tries to roll onto her side. She started giggling while we were in Illinois. My dad got to hear her first giggle. Well, I think anyway. I asked him if he heard it, and he nodded, so maybe he didn’t even hear my question. 😉 He is hard of hearing sometimes. Harper took her first trip, obviously to Illinois. She finally got to meet her aunts and uncles (all but Uncle Jason anyway). She adored her Papa, and loved to snuggle on his shoulder. She is still very much a mama’s girl, which I absolutely eat up! I don’t mind holding her all day every day. :p My back minds after a while, but I try to tell it to be quiet. Also, I don’t hold her all day before the stoning takes place via internet.

She loves to stretch out on the floor and have Addi smother her with love and kisses. She sleeps through the night most nights, and takes usually three long naps during the day. Sleepy girl, just like her mama. She has the sweetest little voice, and is an extremely happy baby. She only cries if she is hungry, if I have eaten something that she is allergic to, or if she is with people she doesn’t know.

I am not sure on her length, but she was just over 12 pounds at an appointment that I made right before she turned 3 months. She is wearing 3-6 month clothes now, but can still wear most 0-3 mo. pants. Harper is my smallest baby, and is not growing at the insane rate that my older two did. It makes me happy that I get to cling to the tiny baby phase a little longer!

Harper, you are such a blessing to our family. Your huge gummy grins light up the entire room. We love you so much!!

My home-pastor is a great mentor for Scott and I. His wife is this beautiful lady (inside and out). I have never heard her say a mean word to anyone. She always has a smile on her face, but is also gracious enough to admit if it’s been a rough morning. She even does that with a smile! I have always looked up to them and wanted to “be like” them when it comes to the ministry.

Scott and I spent a week in Illinois with our families. Our home-church is included in that. They are family to us. There is NOTHING like going back. Nothing at all. Pastor called me into his office because he wanted to say hi. He will be going through hip replacement surgery November 10, and that is why he did not come to me. He is in a lot of pain, so pray for him.

Anyway, he calls me in and chats a little about his life, and asks about mine. I share something with him that had hurt my feelings a little, and that has been eating away at my brain since it happened. He told me, “Let it go.” He told me to stop worrying about what other people think. Stop trying to be like “so and so”. “BE YOU” he said. He said to be kind, be Jesus, but be ME. I don’t have to try to please everyone because it is not going to ever happen.

If you know me, then you know that I am a people pleaser. I have said in previous posts that I don’t like to hurt peoples’ feelings, or even feel like I MAY hurt them. I am willing to get trampled by them, and I will just smile and pretend that it’s all ok. I long to be a better wife, mother, leader, etc. There is nothing wrong with that, but I focus to much on being a wife like “so and so” or a mom like “so and so”. The only “so and so” that I need to be like is Christ. He offended with his message. The Bible is always going to offend. I need to stop worrying about what others will think of me if I start to stand up for myself. I always stand up for my beliefs when it comes to the Bible and my faith. But, I am afraid to speak out if something upsets me for fear of upsetting others. Why am I so willing to be upset and hurt? I am tired of feeling defeated and beat down by peoples’ words and actions. They shouldn’t matter. If it is something that DOES matter, then I need to speak up and say something about it.

I love sitting in a chair across from Pastor’s desk. Even as a teenager he would welcome me into his office ready to give me some advice. He always ended his talks with “stay pure.” when I was a teen. Now, he ends them with, “I love you. I hope you know that!” October is Pastor’s appreciation month. I appreciate my “home pastor” so very much for all that he has done for me since I started coming to church in the 6th grade. (I have known him for even longer, but that is another story!)

Have you heard the song “Fix My Eyes” by For King and Country? Listen to it. I’ll wait..

I think it’s fitting for what I have been convicted about. This is my husband’s current favorite song. What am I fixing my eyes on? AM I TAKING THE TIME FOR OTHERS?

Today, a friend this video from The Meta Picture’s website. Watch it. I’ll wait again..

How convicting. Are you convicted? I am. I don’t even have a smart phone, but I am still convicted.

I love Facebook for the fact that it still allows me to connect to friends that live far away; to family that lives far away. However, I no longer receive calls from some family. My sisters and I do a fairly good job of calling each other to talk. That’s it though. The phone works both ways. I understand that. But, there are times when I try to resist calling to see just how long it would take for them to call me… eventually I give in and call because I miss them. I worry about calling my grandparents, because they struggle to breathe when talking. They have 17 great grand children (the count may be higher now, I can’t keep track) so you can imagine how many grand children and children call them. Shame on me though. I should still at least call and SAY “I love you.” because I do.

I should stop trying to run for my camera or the camera on my phone to capture pictures and video of my children. I should be more in the moment. Just enjoy them doing something silly instead of wasting seconds that add up to minutes and hours of time that I have with them. They are children for such a short time. While these days seem long.. so, so long.. the years are SO short. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. While I will be grateful for the pictures that I have of my little ones when they are grown, I know that I need to do better.

It is currently nap time for my kiddos, just in case anyone thinks that I am wasting time writing about how I need to spend more time with them.

This also convicts me about my relationship with Scott. I enjoy getting to interact with people on facebook; to catch up with friends and see what is going on in my family’s life. But, really, do I need to see a picture of what they are having for dinner? Do I need to know the exact timing of the run that my sisters have just finished? Don’t get me wrong. I want to know what is going on in their lives, but is it something that I need to know RIGHT NOW, or is it something that can wait for those phone calls that we exchange? I am so caught up in it, no matter how much I want to pretend that I don’t NEED it. I have a wonderful man who comes home from serving others all day, and he comes home to serve his family. He jumps in and plays with the girls while I make dinner. Sometimes he even surprises me by doing the dishes while I am feeding Harper after dinner. Why would I rather spend time with a computer screen after the girls go to bed then spend time with him? He DESERVES more from me.

Not to mention the fact that we waste so much time on the internet that we could be spending with God. How many hours in prayer do I spend compared to how many hours I spend “with” my friends/family on facebook? THIS IS KEY. The ratio for me is so far off. What about you? How are you doing in this area? Are you spending more time in the Word and in prayer than you spend on facebook or instagram? Are you spending more time texting meaningless things back and forth than you are spending with God?

Wow.

I completely needed this video. I think I have seen it before, but it really struck me today. I am failing. But, life is not over yet, and I am determined to change it. I am going to fix my eyes on what matters.

There are hundreds of blog posts that give great tips for visiting a new mom. This one is my favorite. There is a lot of criticism towards this article.. that it’s absurd to have such a long list of rules when people just want to see the baby. Some of them are a bit much for me, but you know what? That mama worked hard. No delivery, recovery, etc. is going to be completely easy. Even if it is, having a new baby is tiring. If you feel like you are ENTITLED to see the baby, why can’t a mom feel “entitled” to lay down some ground rules for when you come to visit. Navigating those first weeks, and sometimes months is a difficult task. That is HER baby, not yours. She can make whatever rules she wants to, and you just have to live with it because she is mommy and you are not. Not to mention, you are coming into HER home. Is it really that bad to be expected to WASH YOUR HANDS and not stay very long?

Anyway.

I feel like there is a lack of posts that give some ground rules for when a person is interacting with a new mom and baby, especially in a church-type situation. At church, you end up going from person to person who violates these rules. By the time you finally reach the door to leave, you want to collapse into a ball and cry… or maybe I am the only one. Here are some things that I wish that more people would think about.

1. Look, don’t touch Babies are cute and sweet, and everyone wants to get their hands on them. While I am not a huge germaphobe, I do not want people touching my baby’s hands or face. My baby sucks her thumb. whatever germs you have all over your hands just got on hers, and are now in her mouth. Plus, if she gets sick it is going to trickle through our family, and three sick kids is not an easy task. Don’t touch her face either. Would you really want someone poking all over your face? Especially someone that you don’t know?

2. Think before you “tell the baby” things. Whenever people talk to my baby about the things that they feel that I am doing wrong, it really frustrates me. If you have a problem, just say it to the mother instead of, “Oh, your mommy needs to support your head more, doesn’t she?” Maybe it would be better if you just didn’t say anything at all unless the child’s health or life is in danger. Most moms are doing the best that they can, and doing what they believe to be right in their hearts. I can’t get over how much criticism has been given to me by talking to my babies. Talking to my baby is fine, obviously, but please don’t use it as an opportunity to tear me down.

3. ASK if it is ok to hold the baby This seems like it should be a no-brainer, right? I have had several people actually take my baby out of my hands without asking me if it was even ok to hold her. No, not strangers, but it is still not ok. Just because we go to church together does not mean that I want you taking my baby out of my hands… especially when I have FINALLY calmed her down from a crying fit. I actually enjoy holding my baby. The only times I need a “break” from it are when I am home and have had to hold her all day long if she is not feeling well or upset. That is what her daddy is for.

4. Limit the amount of time you spend extra close to the baby I have three little girls. I have always been in churches that are filled with people who love to love on my little babies. That is fantastic. I would much rather that than the people who hate babies and feel the need to say so. However, the more time you spend in a baby’s face, the more time you are also in the mom’s face. I understand that people want to see the baby up close. That is understandable. Babies are cute. But, so many people just stay there. Maybe this is just me, but I have a bubble. I prefer for people to spend a majority of their time outside of that bubble when interacting with me… and my bubble isn’t even that big. I want at least a foot between our faces.

5.If you see that a mom is rushing, don’t stop her Getting a baby ready to go anywhere is stressful. Inevitably, as soon as they are in the carseat, they will spit-up on whatever they are wearing. So, you have to start all over again. I am usually running behind when I get to church. I am trying to high-tail it to the nursery so that I can feed her (she doesn’t take a bottle very well yet, so I feed her in the nursery to ensure that she can make it through both services) and make it to Sunday School on time. Please, just say hi and let me keep rushing. If you see a mom in a grocery store with a baby, and she looks frazzled, just smile politely and keep going. If the baby is screaming, don’t even make eye contact. Pretend that you don’t hear the baby. I have had so many people stare at me if my baby is screaming; even other mom’s who are holding babies. I am sure that you have heard a baby cry before. If you are a mother, you know how much you are sweating and desperate to disappear when the screaming episodes happen in public.

6. Always acknowledge siblings There are so many times that my sweet older girls are completely ignored because people want to see the baby. If older siblings are next to the baby. Please say hello to them. Make sure that they know that they are not completely forgotten. They are going through a lot of changes with a new baby at home. Please try to make this easier on them.

***I am editing this post to add to it**
7. Just because it was ok “when your kids were little” does not mean it is ok now A lot of research has been done in the last 20+ years. Babies are safer in five-point harness car seats. We would all be safer if we could have a five-point harness. Just because you survived however you rode in the car doesn’t mean anything. Why wouldn’t you want to do what is safer for a child if you now know better? Babies do not need water or rice in their bottles. They get all of the hydration and nutrients they need in their milk or formula. Once again, a mother is doing what she feels is best in her heart. If you are watching a baby, respect what the mom wants. Don’t give things to the baby that she has asked you not to. Watching a baby is a privilege. It is not a right. If you break a mom’s trust by doing something just because “it was ok when your kids were little”; most likely you will no longer be watching that baby.

8. Be supportive Breast milk is always better than formula- God made us this way, and that is what I choose to do. If a mother is struggling with breast feeding- offer her encouraging words instead of suggesting that she just give up. I have only stopped breast feeding in the past because of another pregnancy. Even then, I kept going until I literally was no longer producing any milk. I have had issues every time with breast feeding, but I am stubborn and stuck/am sticking with it. I can’t tell you how many times I have been told to just give up. “It’s not worth it.” To me, it is incredibly worth it. However, if a mother reaches the point where it feels like too much, and she switches to formula, do not harass her about it. That decision is tough. It was hard on me even though my only other option would have been to starve my babies. I have never started a baby out on formula, so I can’t relate to the feelings of being given a hard time about that. Just be supportive though. I have said it a million times (or maybe it just feels that way): EVERY MOM IS DOING WHAT SHE FEELS IS BEST IN HER HEART. Why don’t we just start supporting each other in this journey?

This post is incredibly self-serving. I will admit that. I do not like hurting people’s feelings. I have a hard time speaking up when something bothers me. I have asked my husband to speak up for me because he is much better at it than I am. I just don’t like seeing the hurt on people’s faces when I say “no”. If people don’t even ask and just plow through, I am often too shocked to figure out the words to say. I want people to read this and realize that maybe their actions can be completely overwhelming without intending to be that way. I don’t think anyone sets out to be an annoying person, though there are a few people who leave me scratching my head. If you read this and feel guilty, know that you are most certainly not the only person doing these things. But, please, don’t just read this and keep on doing the same things that you have been doing. Try to be less overwhelming if you realize that you are doing it.

I always struggle a lot when I have a new baby. I am assured in what I am doing. I LOVE having a new baby in the house, so it is not the baby that causes the struggle. I don’t mind the sleep depravation, because I love my baby. I want to spend time with her. I don’t want to have to share her at all; just being honest here. Even visiting family is a struggle, because I end up feeling like I miss out on days of her life. I want to snuggle her as much as possible and soak up every moment of her infancy. It goes by too quickly. That is where I struggle. Infancy only lasts one year. One short year that flies by all too quickly. It is even harder this time because I will never get that again. I am never going to have a brand new baby that is my flesh and blood to snuggle. I struggle with everyone wanting to pass my baby around. I always want to rush through the crowds and get home where I feel “safe”. I know that at home I can soak it all up without having to share with anyone but her daddy and sisters… which makes my heart just as happy as when I am holding her.

What about you? Do you have anything to add to this list?